Favorite Friday: Road House

Let me say something to you, in the dark abyss that is the USA channel at 3 in the morning:

"Road House"

Does your heart fill with joy, anticipation and overall good will? No? Good. Because it should be full of awesome. 

I know it has been awhile. 

I realize now that my penchant for blood cannot be abated so I must continue this savory (and slightly masochistic) blog to the best of my ability—with new and improved flavor now that I have finally graduated from college. 

No I am not simply bored because I don’t have homework anymore.

Ok maybe that might be why. But still.

Ahem. Just keep reading.

So anyway…Road House.

Road House is probably the best movie on the planet and here is why:

1. The Hair
2. The Dialogue
3. Sam Elliot
4.  Patrick Swayze’s Rockin' Bod

1) Hair: This movie was released in 1989, the end of an era where "most" came to mean "better" regarding just about everything from shoulder pads and cocaine to neon lights, Reaganomics and androgyny.  One such phenomena involved an obsequious amount of hair spray. 

YOU SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR

I AM FACINATED BY THIS CREATURE. Mostly because it is a struggle from me to contemplate how after what must have been an entire bottle of aqua net her stylist went “hmm…nope gotta get more height.” Bitch’s hair sticks straight the fuck out completely sideways.  Completely blows my mind.  Having said that, Ms. Lynch was far from the only victim of CFC addiction as much of the cast shared her choice of hairstyle

2) The Dialogue: The dialogue is something that makes this movie not just good, but great. How do I know this? Because regular people know the words to this movie. I can walk up to someone and say "I thought you'd be bigger" and they know what the hell I'm talking about.  Beyond its quotability, the film has in it of itself a simplicity that many of today's action flicks lack.  While it does little in the way of massive explosions (though there is at least one, come on it was the 80s), it makes up for with a fluid manner of conveying a message with a hokey kind of charm that makes you stop to watch it while flipping through channels.  Without being preachy it commentates on the problems inherent within capitalist markets while also clearly suggesting how with a strength and bravery the small and righteous can overcome the big and evil.  All the while kicking ass, taking names and punching people in the face. 

He's not holding his hand. He's going to kill that man

3) Sam Elliot: Now if you don't know who Sam Elliot is, I am sorry but we cannot be friends.  No wait, let me educate you. Don't worry, I'll be gentle.  Sam Elliot or OMG I LOVE SAM ELLIOT as he's known in my house, is perhaps best known (at least to the less film-inclined) for his voice over role in the "Beef, it's what's for dinner" commercials of the late 90s.  In addition to this he notably appears in Tombstone (Virgil Earp, older brother of Kurt Russell's character) and most recently he appeared in the first Ghost Rider movie (Nicolas Cage's mentor).  His silky sweet make-your-uterus-hum-like-an-oboe-being-tuned voice contributes heartily to his recognizable persona but more than anything his stage presence makes him a force to be reckoned with.  Capable of comedy, passion and badassry in general, Sam Elliot exudes a presence in Road House similar to Mr. Miyagi or Master Po,  but with a cowboy flair and really awesome silver hair.

4) Patrick Swayze's Rockin' Bod: Now anyone who is anyone with a brain cell or two left in their skull knows that Patrick Swayze's bod is primo in regards to writing checks for ass-kicking.  And Road House does much to showcase said bod. Whether he's doing tai chi, mixed martial arts or making sweet love, Patrick Swayze's rockin' bod does much to restore faith in home grown American action heroes for those of us forced to outsource badassry to Asian markets (rather like our automobile industry).  He takes on guys twice his size, he saves women from bad situations, he grabs drunks, he fires bad bartenders, he is nice...until its time to not be nice.  


Much of what makes Road House good makes it bad according purported as film industry "experts."  (When it was released Siskell and Ebert gave the film two thumbs down.) The film is cheesy, the story line is decidedly shallow and overall there is a goofy quality to it that detracts from any real seriousness regarding violence or destruction.  However, with the understanding that the film is truly meant as entertainment and as a classic example of 80s action cinema, one can see Road House as yet another cult film worthy of enjoying a spot on broadcast television's late night lineup.  

I know this post is short...you'd thought it be bigger right?

had to fit one in there.

enjoy!

Gears of War: A Study of Cooperative Multiplayer vs Straight-Up Massacre

I need your boots, your clothes and your motorcycle

I will say one thing. I really REALLY like to shoot things. I don't really care what they are. I like to shoot bugs. I like to shoot zombies. I like shooting bad guys, Nazis, Japanese soldiers, James Bond villians, Russian Ultranationalists, terrorists and bugs.

Most recently I have become completely obsessed with the Gears of War series.

I adore this franchise. Not in a joanie loves chachi kind of way, but more of a "M&M addiction during menstruation" kind of way, making the game a permanent fixture on my video game shelf.

Why is the game so good?

Well I'm not going to go on a tirade professing how fucking awesome the story is or how hilarious or bad ass or likable the characters are because frankly the best thing I can say of the characters is that they are entertaining and that the plot, on the shallow side of complex and certain surprise endings aside, leaves something to be desired in the drama department. Plot developments aside, the game's action is great as are the graphics and aesthetic design elements.  Also, the game is really gory, which makes me tingly in places it shouldnt.

Bitches. Shotgun roll me. I dare you.

Nope, what I like is how you play the game and that means: the cover mechanic. You have to hide and shoot. With a twitch of your thumb you decide left or right, tuck or flippy across to the next cover spot. Climb over or flip back to avoid a frag. And it knows whether or not you want to roll or slide into a hiding spot. Overall smooth, user friendly and entirely conducive to kicking ass and taking names.

Most complaints I hear about Gears regard the game's cover mechanic or similar in-game aspects.  Now I understand if you don't like the story or characters, fine (to be honest, I think the Halo and Battlefield Bad Company characters a little on the obnoxious side) but do not knock the game play until you've really immersed yourself in the multiplayer.

They're coming for ya. They know you ate the last thin mint.

Gears of War online multiplayer truly culminates in Horde mode.  One of several different modes offered, Horde mode, a defensive based mode where a team of five players work as a team to stave off  increasingly difficult waves of enemies, truly necessitates the cover mechanic through placing a player's focus on defense of a specific area, their teammates and resources. Without such a mechanic Horde mode would be extremely difficult if not impossible. Horde mode also works to facilitate cooperative game-play with one's fellow players instead of mere brute competitive game play so common in modes like Team Death Match or Capture the Leader (to name a few native to the Gears lexicon).

This is what happens when you run ahead

These modes and those like them in other video games, prohibit friendly fire (an aspect that is more or less easy to surmount if you watch the video below) but fall short of rewarding cooperative play beyond giving points to someone for reviving a fallen comrade.  Horde mode more or less requires cooperation to win the game.  If you go Rambo, more often than not you lose.


Many enthusiasts of other titles find this cover mechanic a cheap cop-out since it takes the guess work out of finding cover during a fire fight. Additionally many claim the mechanic hinder the speed with which one can traverse a map, evade an enemy or go in for a kill.  Regarding the cop-out stance, I find it unlikely that any player would turn down a chance to know when exactly they are safe from enemy fire: I think instead that cover-mechanic haters are irritated that is takes less "skill" and less finesse to protect yourself.  Any noob can pick up a controller and instantly hide in cover from a twice-prestiged level 98.

Level 2 dick gremlin who teabags you because he managed to catch you off guard 

Well that sounds like sour grapes. So suck it the fuck up.  What the cover mechanic does is level the playing field a bit so there is less of a learning curve: rather like using an automatic transmission instead of a manual. Instead of worrying whether or not you can shoot a prick with an RPG quickly enough so that his sniper pal across the map can't get you from a position behind some random rock only to get killed from behind; with the knowledge that you're reasonably safe in cover a player can instead watch 270 degrees around their position, ensuring they don't get knifed in the ass while at the same time preparing to lob destruction.  And don't argue with me--you gamer boys I know who you are--about games without cover mechanics being more realistic.  Realistically one does not go barreling into danger when bullets are hitting you but that doesn't stop many players from running into a fire fight.  As for the speed aspect: arguably, that is just lack of practice. How do you get to Carnegie hall?  


A brief word regarding team death match, capture the flag and other player vs. player multiplayer modes.  The competitive atmosphere inherent within many "battle to the death" gaming modes has a tendency to foment animosity even among members of the same team--players who may deliberately fail to aid a fellow teammate because said teammate had previously snagged a preferred vehicle, "steals a kill," or players who sacrifice game objectives to blow shit up and get a lot of kills (<--see video left).  Do not misunderstand, this competitiveness--a feature which at its core remains a desirable aspect in online gaming-- is far from something that needs to stop.  Rather an alternative for those who tire of 30 year old man-children sending them misspelled, expletive-rich messages after a grenade bounces and kills someone's nemesis. Also, I am not saying that Gears is bereft of poor sportsmanship. Gears has other gaming modes besides Horde and I assure you, there are plenty of rude assholes in there waiting to tea bag you.  I am merely arguing that an environment with a common goal tends to detract from poor sportsmanship and is thus more likely to be fun.  This is why modes with objectives (Rush and Conquest in Battlefield Bad Company 2, and similar modes in the newer Halo games and COD MW3 to name a few) are becoming more and more prevalent. 

Gears of War is at the forefront of a shift in gaming.  The gaming atmosphere is becoming increasingly geared towards connecting players via the internet in order to create a fun, cooperative and competitive  game experience that showcases not just solo performances but the music of a symphony orchestra as well.  

Have fun and play on!