Tactical Tuesday: Rifle-iscious

I am a chicken. Let me rephrase that, so as to not confuse you. I am not afraid of snakes. I am not afraid of thunderstorms or car accidents. I don't like the dark, but that's mostly because of my clumsy nature and a tendency to find errant footstools with my shins. I will clean up most bodily fluids (except poop. I don't like poop). But I do however have a healthy respect for my body and have a reasonable desire to keep in the same condition it is currently. I will not bungee jump. I will not sky dive. I will not mountain climb. I will not base jump. I will not climb up a really high tree. I will not be a race car driver. I will not ride on a dirt bike. Why?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!

Don't. Mess. With. Me.

Okay. That being said, I really like being the sniper in Resident Evil 5. All I need is a sniper rifle, a high position where undead people can't get me and WHAMO I am a weapon of mass destruction.

The reason I mention my chicken-ness is that I am not really one to let a zombie get really close to me before I kill it. I plan on killing it really far away.

So today instead of telling you which is the best sniper rifle---which I could never do as the only big scary gun that I've ever held in my hands in my dad's 12 gauge shot gun (btw, don' break into my house, you'll get to meet that big scary gun *grin*)---I have compiled a list of what you would look for in selecting a regular (and feasibly more obtainable) bolt-action rifle for yourself. You can superglue a big fat scope on top and make yourself feel scary if so you chose. I know I will. So why not a sniper rifle and why did I go into a huge rant about all that?

Who knows? It's late and I'm tired.

I digress.

That's a rifle. In case you were wondering.

First of all: What is a rifle? A rifle is a firearm designed to be fired from the shoulder that has a barrel with spiral grooves running down the inside. These grooves caused the projectile to spin when fired (like a properly hurled football--yes I made a sport metaphor and yes it will probably never happen again) thus making the projectile much more accurate.

There are several different types of rifles. I personally prefer bolt-actions for one reason. It's what I call the "DON'T PANIC" Factor. Ever panic in a video game (or real life who knows) and hold down that trigger and wow.....all my bullets are gone.....lame.

Well a bolt action rifle is an instant remedy to this problem because it requires the shooter to physically make an action to load a new round to be fired, thus conserving ammunition. Make them count boys, make them count.

Anyway.

As far as selecting a rifle for yourself there are a few factors to consider. They are as follows (and in no particular order):

1. Accuracy
2. Aesthetics
3. Caliber
4. Reliability
5. Functionality

I like to hit this.

1. Accuracy. When fighting legions of the undead it is exceedingly important that the rifle you are using shoots in the general direction that you point it (that may or may not be the guns fault, but I digress). A poorly designed or constructed weapon that fires inaccurately does the shooter very good when hungry ghouls are limping towards you.
2. Aesthetics. I call this category Aesthetics but it should ergonomics. Does the weapon feel good in your hands? Can you handle it comfortably?  You don't want to be 4'10'' holding a rifle that's almost as long as you are tall. Or use a weapon that is so heavy you can't keep it up and pointed for long periods of time. You also don't want a gun that is neon orange when you're hiding in Maine during Christmas. Just saying.
3. Caliber. This is very important. The size of the bullet often times is the difference between life and death. If you fire a round at a ghoul and the thing either goes right through soft tissue without doing so much as making the thing take a step back you may need to consider changing your weapon choice. Conversely, you can't pick a rare round not easily found in a local gun shop or Wal-Mart or whatever. You also can't pick the biggest bullet you can find because they tend to be very noisy and noise=attention. Attention is bad.
4. Reliability. This goes hand in hand with Accuracy. If you have weapon that jams all the time or because it jams all the time you have to clean it constantly, or misfires....those could be when you die. Don't get a cheaply made craptastic rifle.
5. Functionality. Can you take the gun apart quickly, quietly and efficiently? Does it require tools or can you just take it apart with buttons or slides on the weapon? Is there a section in the stock to hold ammunition? How many bullets does it hold when loaded? All factors that should affect your choice of weapon.

Now I won't go into the differences between things like bolt-actions and all those goodies, since most likely you'll have to grab what you can get (unless you're a boy scout in which case I'll be at your house). All I will say is that I am totally going to go after:

Winchester Model 70

The Ultimate Shadow....on the wall....

I really, really like this weapon. Isn't it pretty?

OK allow me to explain myself.
The weapon is wonderfully accurate. You point at something you want to shoot and the bullet goes there. And the weapon comes in dozens of styles, colors, sizes and *fan fare* you can chose from at least half a dozen different chambering options. Now the particular model I have learned to love (mainly because it's the grandchild of the rifle my granddaddy shot varmints with) is the Model 70 Ultimate Shadow. Its all smexy and black and compositey. Tee hee. You can chose from several different rounds though I prefer the .338 Winchester Magnum. They make things go splat (they are meant for big game. zombies are big game. shut up).

Good luck my friends. And don't shoot me on accident. or yourselves.

Movie Review: Surrogates

I really don't like cop dramas. I just don't. It doesn't really defame my character or make me stupid or lame in any way (well it annoys certain members of my family who really like cop dramas) but to be honest with you when I saw the trailer for Surrogates I was intrigued.

So SURROGATES!

The premise of this film is that humans have developed mind-controllable robots, allowing them to stay in their homes while controlling the robots remotely.   Car accidents, war, disease, murder---all gone. It's perfect! Wonderfully survivalable! The world is ours for the taking!

Pretty much awesome, right?

It is....UNTIL MURDER!

Someone's pissed about the integration of robots into everyday society (and I quote a scary lady with a shot gun "You're an abomination!") effectively removing the human element from the world. They start killing people via their surrogates (what what really looks like a great big taser, btw) which is a huge bummer to these people because they have been acting up something fierce (apparently surrogates are the ultimate prophylactic and/or bungee chord).

"I'm about to see dead people"

(by the way: the older brother from Home Alone pops up overweight and gross as hell. Keep an eye out.)

My opinion of this film is varied but overall good.

The casting for this film is spot on and highly enjoyable. I'm a big James Cromwell fan (ever since Babe) and he's sufficiently creepy and/or rainmanly brilliant in this film though I find it amusing that he played basically the same character in I-Robot. I also enjoy Ving Rhames as this really awesome prophet guy since a mystic crazy man with goons is probably the role he's been born to play.

The script and dialogue are flowing and engaging enough for a sci-fi action flick but at times it seems a little too preachy. I find myself telling the screen "I know we suck as a society. You don't need to keep telling me." While I realize that this film is basically expanding on the premise that as a society we are all extremely narcisstic and shallow, the running joke stops being funny about half-way through the film and it just gets depressing.

The script is also a little predictable and is a little over-the-top with the parts concerning Bruce Willis' character and his relationship with his wife. Its really hard to watch John Mclane cry and stuff.

Beyond that the film really is pretty good. I like the sci-fi aspect mixed in with cop drama.

And watching a CGI-botoxed version of Bruce Willis is immensely amusing.

Tee hee....its like his skin is plastic....oh it is...woops

ENJOY!

Walking Dead Update!

Oh yeah. That's downtown Atlanta. Cool huh?

The trailer for the Walking Dead AMC series was released this week and I feel it is my duty to inform all of you who are not constant Internet hounds such as myself to inform you!

I really like that the show was actually shot on location in Atlanta. Oh yes, it was---during THIS summer, in THIS heat. So I totally don't envy the actors on the set, but I assure you--that sweat is real.

I totally approve of Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes in this series. He just really looks like the character in the comic book and judging from this freshly released trailer and all the set pictures I've seen, he is a good set for the part.

Andrew Lincoln (hat and gun) as Rick Grimes

From what I've seen of the rest of the cast, they're all chosen with the specific intention of creating a following for the series from the people who've read the comics--which is a godsend because I'm sick of film-makers turning popular comics into movies or shows without listening to the people who made the comics popular in the first place.

I don't know about you....but that's disturbing

See what a lot of people who have recently gotten into zombie comics/movies (such as myself) don't realize about this kind of media is how dichotomous it is--meaning that there are a couple different facets of what makes it so addictive. There is the gore factor--that squelchy level of awful that makes you "WHAT!? DID YOU SEE THAT" as you turn to grab the person sitting next to you. Admittedly this is very important, because at least at the surface it is very hard to like any zombie movie, vampire movie or pretty much any horror flick without there being a reasonable amount of blood-flying action. However! With the guts come the glory, after the blood stops running comes the story. (hey that rhymed!) And while the story doesn't necessarily have to be Citizen Kane or whatever, it has to be cohesive and it has to affect the audience in a way that the gore couldn't. The story either has to be super sick (Hostel, 3 Extremes) or super scary (The Shining or Dawn of the Dead or *shudder*  The Grudge). The reason some of these movies are so awesome (and just as reasonably some of them are so atrociously bad) is because of the double layer. You've got the blood and you've got the mind-messing. Look at how bad Cloverfield was. That movie had so much potential, it even had some totally awesome gore and stuff in it (girl blowing up.....awesome) but it was ruined by this really lame love story folded in and the fairly dumb pithy dialogue and the annoying camera (that made me car sick). I mean its really hard to mess up a giant monster story. And they did because the characters were unrelateably separate from the audience and we didn't empathize with them enough to be disgusted or enthralled by the awful things happening to them.

Which brings me to my point about this show: it has a frame perfectly suited to the aforementioned framework! It sticks with the guts and with the glory aspect! The footage shown puts to bed any fears I may have had about the show being on regular cable instead of HBO or whatever. I'm seeing blood, gore and really gross looking dead and walking dead people. Added to that is the knowledge that even if the show's gore was lame the original story is spectacular and a complete idiot would be required to mess it up; Frank Darabont is not a complete idiot. So the potential for awesome is incredibly high! I'm totally pumped!

Enough of my ranting!

Tactical Tuesday: Knife Sharpening

Welcome to Tactical Tuesday my friends. As I have currently started the school year, I apologize in a advance for a further scarcity of my posts, though I will do my best to keep them from ceasing completely.

That being said, for my topic today I've chosen the rather surrepticious topic of knife sharpening! While it may seem silly and pointless for what may to you be an easily accomplished task, I feel somewhat required to explain to those of you out there who weren't a tomboy and/or boy scout in their youth.

Now my father (yes, my daddy taught me how to sharpen a knife) always taught me that a knife is to be sharpened with oil. Not everyone agrees with this however; this of course filters into the sharpening stone manufacturing companies. This means that some stones are made to be used dry and some are made to be used with oil or spit or whatever (my daddy would KILL me if I spit on a stone, but post-apocalypse one may not have a choice). This doesn't really affect the procedure since the method is essentially the same but it does depend on the kind of stone you acquire.

Anyway.

The trick to this is angles. There are two angles you have to maintain while sharpening your blade: the angle of the blade and the stone and the angle of the blade against the surface of the stone.

Thats the 45 degree angle

1) Hold the medium grit stone in your non-dominant hand (as I say this I hear my Dad yelling at me so I have to tell you---please protect your hand; use a glove, wet rag whatever, just don't do this barehanded) and place the blade at a 45 degree angle with the stone. What I do is make a cross with the blade and the stone (like you were making a cross at Dracula) then shifting the blade halfway towards the hand holding the stone (half of 90 is 45).

2) With your finger along the spine of the blade (the non-sharp back part) raise the blade about 20 degrees off the stone (you should be able to just fit a finger between the side of the blade and the surface of the stone--do what you would naturally do as if you were trying to slice off a layer of your stone like it were bread or something).

Thats the 20 degree angle

3) Slowly and steadily draw the blade toward you while keeping the original angles (slowly! don't cut yourself!). Make sure to keep the blade in contact with the stone. Apply medium pressure as you draw the blade across the stone---remember you're not trying to CUT the stone, you're scraping a small amount of metal off the blade in order to make the blade sharp again. You're also not being a pansy--so don't just lightly drag it, press down just not too hard.

4) Flip it over and do the same thing to the otherside, only this time draw the knife away from yourself. It's good to not do 3 times on one side then 3 on the other or whatever. I suggest once on each side because your margin for error will be a lot smaller. But all in all the number of passes needed will really depend on the dullness of the blade you are sharpening; just make sure you stop and check as you go. A properly sharpened blade will not have any burrs or bent pieces of metal hanging off the blade. You can check this by running a finger down the side of the blade (if you were holding the blade outwards from yourself you'd be running your testing finger towards the floor---do not draw your finger along the edge, you WILL cut yourself). A properly sharpened edge should also catch very little light. If you hold the knife edge up and can't see see any light reflecting the blade is sharp (well, sharp-ish). A truely sharpened blade will slide through a sheet of paper like butter (as Dad would test our camp knife on...we always used junk mail...tee hee).

That glint halfway on the blade is a nick; burrs=bad. This is a dull blade

It should only take a couple of passes before the edge on the blade is sharpened. My daddy never used a strop (that leather thing you see barbers slide their straight razors on before shaving someone), mainly because they're a hassel to carry with you on a camp trip. That being said, they are useful because they help maintain the blade longer so you don't have to use the stone as often.

I hope this has been helpful! Enjoy and remember---use those blades only on those who are stealing your post-apocalyptic twinkie stash!

Tactical Tuesday #10: AA-12.

Hello and welcome to Tactical Tuesday
I am Katetheflake, your host for this blog posting.

Readers, AA-12. AA-12, these are my readers.
The topic is zombie killing: discuss.

The AA-12:its so pretty.....

I became enamored with this beautiful piece of engineering upon my recent viewing of the film The Expendables (2010).

The weapon is a selective fire shot-gun firing 300 rounds a minute--that means you can chose between pulling a trigger over and over again without pumping to make something dead and merely holding down your finger down until whatever you are aiming at stops moving due to its jellification.

The weapon fires 3 types of 12 gauge rounds: slug, buckshot and frag-12 rounds. *insane cackle*

FRAG-12 High Explosive Round---how I love thee....

12 gauge buckshot and 12 gauge slug

On top of that the buckshot rounds fired come in different types including 00 buck shot and #4 bird shot. Slugs include rubber rounds ("less-than-lethal"--not "non-lethal"---"less-than-lethal"...tee hee) and 12 gauge lead slugs (o.m.g. those are like flying minuture lead fists---they leave HUGE HOLES). They can also fire flares, High Explosive (HE), High Explosive Armor Piercing (HEAP) and these High Explosive Air-Burst (HEAB) doohickeys that can fired mid-air with muliple explosions *excited giggle*

AA-12s mounted on a HAMMER

Okay. So this weapon is so utterly ridiculous that the image of me using it against hordes of the undead is completely implasable.

I mean come on. They mount these guns on the HAMMER unmanned defense system---like SKYNET or something!

BUT ITS SO PRETTY!

AND LOOK AT THE SPLATTER PATTERNS!

This is what happens when one fires a 12 gauge shotgun slug into balistic gel. Ain't it cool?

The gun is obviously extremely useful in the advent of a zombie apocalypse, especially if one were to obtain the incendiary rounds (brains+tiny bombs=awesome brain fireworks). Also the broad breech (muzzle thing) and that much of the weapon is made of stainless steel would make the weapon one that would rarely jam and need little cleaning (the manual says once every 10000 firings).

All-in-all fairly unrealistic but nonetheless awesome weapon to have in your arsenal. YUP!



The first commenter who lives by me gets a hug and some cookies.
Let the battle begin!

New Movie Review: The Expendables!

O.M.G.

Okay so I told myself I wouldn't see this movie in theaters because despite its ridiculously testosterone infested cast the film itself would no doubt suck and I wasn't going to spend 10 bucks on a stinker; I instead planned on buying/renting it when it came out on DVD.

Then my boyfriend took me on a date and we ended up seeing it because Inception is a 3 hour movie and we didn't get have time to see it.

Holy bodacious biceps Batman!!

The film was wall-to-wall action. Full of familiar faces and ridiculous one-liners spouted by Governators and Italian Stallions alike. It's great fun to see all these familiar kick-ass faces on screen so many years after they originally appeared (Dolph Lundgren and Steve Austin are special favorites).

The story is your basic "good guys/bad guys" story. Good guys want to stop bad guys and go in to rescue the damsel in distress while killing the greedy/crazy bad guys.

The super bad guy is Eric Roberts, who is probably one of my favorite character actors of today simply because he is sooooo greasy. The regular bad guy is a Noriega-esque dictator type played by David Zayas (he played a part in Michael Clayton (2007) I don't remember which) who is suitably weird and bad-guy like.

What I really like about the film is that it is really geared towards pleasing the fans. There are just so many inside jokes and goofy one liners that are meant to make fun of the characters in a way that isn't really demeaning, but in a way that draws the audience in--like it was a group of action movie junkies who made a fan homage to their favorite action heroes.

That and the fight scenes.

Terry Crews+Big Gun=Perfect Entertainment

O.M.G. Stallone, I could kiss you on your weird droopy mouth.
The fight scenes are--for lack of a better word--epic.
Terry Crews shoots a bunch of guys with an automatic shot gun. A lot.
Jason Statham beats the absolute crap out of like 200 people. I mean I want to rent this movie and see it again just because his hands move so fast I don't really know what happens until the bad people are on the ground crying.
Randy Couture gets Steve Austin in the face with a Flying Superman Punch.
Stallone beats a man until he falls backward and smacks into the back of his own leg.
Dolph Lungren (6'5") versus Jet Li (5'6"). for. real.

See this movie. If for no other reason than because it is the perfect combination of old school kickassery and wonderfully stupid and over-the-top cinematic stunts and explosions.

Yes.

Favorite Friday #3: Excalibur

I love this poster.

For those out there reading my posts, I truly appreciate you! Let me know you're out there with a comment or email! I'm always open for suggestions and opinions, let me know about your ideas!

FAVORITE FRIDAY!!!

Today's fantastic feature film for Friday feasting: Excalibur!!

Excalibur is in my opinion the best version of the King Arthur story on film. Many would say "but what about King Arthur with Clive Owen?" NO! Guinevere did not cover herself in blue finger paint."But what about First Knight?" Richard Gere trying to talk with English accent is FAR too distracting.

There are no other really good live action King Arthur films worth mentioning here beyond a musical or two.

Nope. Excalibur is as close to the original fairy tale/legion of Morte D'Arthur by Thomas Malory as any film I've seen worth any salt. On top of that the movie is actually a good movie.

Their prop master must have been pissed: look at all the mud!

Now everyone knows the Arthurian legend, at least to some degree, so I don't really need to go over the plot to the film. I know it's always a concern when movies come out about stories that have been done a million times that they're boring or overdone or trying to be original or whatever. That being said, what I really like about Excalibur is how new it feels without being too different from the King Arthur stories we all know and love. Don't misunderstand, they don't make up things and add in new stuff (like in King Arthur(2004)--trying to make the square peg of Arthurian legend fit into the round hole of written roman/Briton history *rolls eyes*). It's merely the actual old story with awesome 80's over-the-top film-making. The same special effects that made the Conan movies fan-favorites. Huge messy, dirty, bloody fighting scenes where you have to squint to make sure that yes that IS Patrick Stewart under all that dirt and blood fighting with a big sword. No slo-mo, close up on hero's face with hair flipping as he spins around to look at the battle-field carnage. Nope! We've got something 10X better!!! Gross, "we're ruining the suits of armor" sets, unabashedly bloody battle scenes involving severed limbs and other delectably fake movie-carnage. Knowing what happens helps you appreciate the finer details of the film--like coming back to look at a picture on a wall for a second time.

Helen Mirren as Morgana--she was smokin'!

Now I mentioned Patrick Stewart, which brings me to another point. These aren't unknown actors, playing these characters. These are modern day heavy weights portraying characters like Gawain (Liam Neeson), Morgana (Helen Mirren), Leondegrance (Patrick Stewart), Lot (Ciaran Hinds), and King Uther Pendragon (Gabriel Byrne). While virtually un-cultified at this point (Neeson would later have roles in Taken (2008), Batman Begins (2005), and Gangs of New York (2002); Mirren
in Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), The Queen (2006), and Red (2010); Stewart in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-94) and the X-Men films ; Hinds in HBO's Rome (2005-07), Munich (2005), and Miami Vice (2006); Byrne in Assault on Precinct 13 (2005), End of Days (1999), and The Man in the Iron Mask (1998)), these actors are recognizable film figures today. As Hollywood and stage contenders (Nicol Williamson, who played Merlin, was a huge stage actor though he was notable as Coliostro in Spawn (1997)) these actors brought weight to the film, illuminating the otherwise unknown actors (though Byrne and Nieson were fairly unknown at the time).

Clay and Boorman as Lancelot and Guinevere

As for the remaining cast-- just because the other cast members, most notably all the leading roles Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot, Mordred, aren't anyone incredibly famous doesn't mean they suck. Because they don't. These actors realize that this film would be their crowning glory (pun intended) and so they act their hearts out--to great effect. Nigel Terry as Arthur, Katrina Boorman as Guinevere and Nicholas Clay as Lancelot create the perfect chemistry, artistry and tragic drama one would expect with Camelot's royal love triangle. It's just magic to watch.

Nigel Terry as King Arthur

It goes without saying that I love this movie. Give it a try and I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do.  It's a fairy tale for grown ups that always satisfies my desire for fantasy, metal on metal action and tragic drama. Enjoy!

Film Review:Innocent Blood

So I love Big Lots. I love it because no matter how bad of a day I've had, I can wander in there and find something I've been looking for at an extremely reasonable price.

Today it was toothpaste--but I also found this FANTASTIC FILM!!!

Innocent Blood (1992) starring Anthony LaPaglia and Anne Parillaud.

This movie is something new to me because *cue music* I've never heard of it before. Which is utterly shocking!! Not only should I have heard of this movie merely for the fact that so many famous people are crammed into it--the film is also funny and icky!

Robert Loggia as Sal the Shark---slightly dead

The plot centers around a lonely, hungry lady vampire--played by Anne Parillaud--who takes a bite out of a couple of gangsters in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Unfortunately she doesn't "finish" and the mob boss (Robert Loggia=awesome bad guy vampire) turns into another vampire and proceeds to wreak havoc across the city. Anthony LaPaglia plays an undercover cop going after the mob boss and who goes in with the lady to kill the monster mob boss.

The film is directed by the ever-satisfying John Landis (of An American Werewolf in London fame). With his hands on the script come certain expectations---which I must say are met. With Landis' other films (and the Thriller music video) there is a series amount of awesome make-up and special effects. I was utterly satisfied; the vampire special effects are spectacular--I like them a lot more than the Underworld special effects and those movies came out almost 15 years later!

Anne Parillaud as Marie the Vampire (awesome contacts!)

The contact lenses are especially fantastic (trust me---you'll notice them; I'm still trying to figure out how he did that trick).  There are some thrills, great gore---it's highly entertaining to watch the petite and pretty Anne Parrilaud killing great big gangsters. Landis also has great street cred as a humorist (Coming to America (1988), Animal House (1978), Blues Brothers (1980)---all great funny movies). The film is truly funny--lots of one-liners, situational comedy and great sight gags. My favorite is right near the beginning, where Marie (Anne Parillaud) is discussing being hungry while flipping through a newspaper. She comes across an article about mobster murders and says: "I was sad, I was starved. It was time to treat myself. Then I though - "What about... Italian!"

The film is entertaining, funny and really a perfectly satisfying date movie for the vampire/gore enthusiasts. I heartly recommend it for anyone looking for a great film.

Tactical Tuesday: The Katara

Short Katar

Tactical Tuesday #9

I'm in the mood for steel. So forgive me as I suggest a slightly ridiculous but nonetheless effective weapon one could rely on in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I am a big fan of melee weapons because I personally enjoy the idea of a weapon with as few moving parts as possible, since it generally means less maintenance and less margin for error (lose a screw out of a gun and you're screwed--hah).

Ladies and Gentlemen: the Katara.

Three-Bladed Katar=not good zombie weapon

The weapon is Southern Indian in origin and is meant for fast and close quarters combat. The weapon is designed as a short stabbing weapon to be used against armored assailants. The blades themselves can range in length and width--some Kataras were created from the fusion of a European blade and an Indian blade. Generally, the weapon has a broad double edged blade with a raised center line extending from the point, creating a sharp, broad point.  The blade can be as short as a few inches or as long as a few feet.  Some Katars are designed to open into three seperate blades (as popularized on SpikeTV's Deadliest Warrior). While an effective disemboweling device, this would be useless against a foe whose bowels are probably dragging the floor already.

Notice the horizontal grip with the wrist strap

What drew my attention about this weapon was the design of the handle and sideguards.  The handle effectively makes the weapon an extension of the user's hand. This would make the most common strike a forward, upward or straight punch out, which requires very little skill and only moderate effort (especially considering that when I'm scared or startled my first instinct is to lash out). The other interesting design aspect is the longish side guards available on some blades. These have their benefits and their problems. These guards could possibly provide decet protection from a bite when striking a ghoul, since the real danger with melee weapons is the "up close and person" fighting. That being said, the longer styles (some almost as long as the blade itself) can be garishly clumsy and difficult to carry. Thus if one is interested in utilizing this weapon as an effective anti-zombie device I would recommend a weapon with a 8 inch blade and a 6 inch handle--making the overall weapon a little over a foot. This would make the weapon right around managable to be carried on the belt and easily withdrawable in the advent of sudden attack.

This would be an optimum Katar in zombie defense

The only real downside to this weapon is its rarity in the United States, but never fear that is changing. With its appearance on the television recently the popularity of the Katar is growing, which means it may soon be as common in hobby and collectible shops as the Katana or Broadsword. So I feel while slightly silly the Katar could reasonably be something to consider when planning your end of the world party.

I hope that I've been helpful in your search for a good melee weapon. Enjoy and HAPPY SURVIVING!

Favorite Friday #3: The Godfather

The Godfather (1972)

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday"

"Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever."

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."

Marlon Brando as Don Vito Corleone

The Godfather entered my life as I was emerging as a child into a young woman. Thus where others of my age or older were introduced to films like Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, Can't Hardly Wait, or She's All That or if they're luckier films like The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles---I watched films like Braveheart, Die Hard, Blood Sport and of course The Godfather. It brought with it a certain understanding of two things: Italians are scary and mob films are fantastic. You name it and I can find you a mob film that you would no doubt enjoy. And they certainly aren't a solely old fashion film style--The Departed (2006) is a more recent addition to the genre. And like myself the director of that film, Martin Scorsese, is also a great fan of The Godfather.

Al Pacino as Michael Corleone

But why is the film so great? Where is the proof of its perpetual immortality?

Here's my theory: anybody who is not a complete idiot or hermit knows of The Godfather. If you say it to someone, most likely even if they don't know who is in it (even though most people know at least that Brando or Pacino is), they know that the movie is about gangsters or Sicilians. It takes a lot for a movie which a great deal of people who have never seen in its entirety (my mother for instance) can quote lines from it. Many people may not have seen this film, but they still know what the negative connotation of a "Godfather" is or that there are mob families in New York that are Sicilian or Italian. If they're lucky or at least a little more close to movie freaks (such as myself) they'll be able to quote any of the lines mentioned above.

"I believe in America. America has made me my fortune." Sorry. Those are the opening lines. I love them. I digress.

Pacino, Brando, Caan and Cazale (left to right)

The Godfather was directed by Francis Ford Coppola and stars Marlon Brando, Al Pacino (then unknown at the time), Robert Duvall, James Caan and Diane Keaton. The film was based on a 1969 novel written by Mario Puzo. It was awarded Oscars for Best Picture, Best Actor (Brando) and Best Adapted Screenplay (Puzo and Coppola---further proof that the author of a book needs to at least be involved for the movie adaptation to worth anything).

The story takes place over the years 1945-55 and chronicles the Corleone family, a fictional Sicilian mob family.  The story begins at the wedding of Don Corleone's daughter, Connie. Through this massive family event (so large that FBI agents lie waiting outside checking license plates for who showed up) we are introduced to the ritual and respect that the Corleone family and especially Don Vito Corleone (Brando) or The Godfather. We are also introduced to the interesting family dynamic of Don Corleone's children, Michael (Al Pacino), Santino or "Sonny" (James Caan), Fredo (John Cazale), and Connie (Talia Shire).  As the film progresses we are allowed into more and more intimate settings--one begins to feel as a fly on the wall as there is domestic violence, adultery, marriage and the death of a parent. If this movie were about any other family it could be a comedy of errors, almost like It's a Wonderful Life. If you subtract everything but the basic events, it would be funny. Michael was never supposed to be in the family business, but when Vito Corleone is "removed from office" for saying no to a business transaction, Michael is forced to become involved. Furthermore Michael's elder brothers are both inept at being the head of the business, so as time goes by Michael eventually becomes the de facto and then finally the official head of the family. The family could own a landscaping business for all the intimacy of this kind of drama--thus its charm.

"Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes"

Now take the family drama and add in murder, explosions, more murder, drama, lying, backstabbing, hairy arms, guns, Garrot wire, screaming, punching and a lot of Italians and voila you've got the best movie ever made (according to pretty much every AFI and Film Institute list in existence).

What makes this film so great for me as I'm sure it is with everyone else is the humanity of the characters. It would have been so easy for anyone to have made these people monsters, since in all honesty they are that exactly. Instead we find ourselves immersed in their lives, rooting for them even though it means murder is condoned. These gangsters are just people; their language is Italian and murder. And we love them for it!

Furthermore the film is grossly different than those before it (and you can see this film's influence on pretty much all since--especially Goodfellas (1990) and Mobsters (1991)--both of which are excellent by the way) because it is a gangster's tale told from inside. Not from an outsider's perspective, detailing how a high-rolling mobster goes from a time of flippant murder, robbery and mayhem to a life of jail and punishment. Michael is not punished at the end of the film--in fact no one gets caught by any authority whatsoever--except by mob-family justice. As for realism in the genre? I mean come on. The Gambino family liked this movie! O.M.G.

The Godfather is a classic of modern film making, a piece of whether or not you like mob movies or crime dramas or what have you.

Now go out, get some cannoli, make some spaghetti and sit down to watch this film. Capisce?

Boneshaker Review

Sitting in an airport is excellent source of two things: anxiety and spare time. At least for me. I'm a huge fan of arriving at airports extremely early to handle the inevitable delay and/or big fat airport problem which always occurs whenever I come within 300 yards of the place with the intent of picking up a boarding pass. That being said I also am a big fan of crossword puzzles and books.

There's a point to this, I promise.

I recently spent a grand total of 11 hours in an airport or airplane and found a considerable amount of time available to read. I brought a book with me: Boneshaker by Cherie Priest.

I am so happy that I did.

It's got Zombies! It's got Steampunk! It's got History! It's got Drama!

When gold is found in the Klondike of Alaska, the Russians employ a man named Leviticus Blue to create a machine to bore through feet of hard permafrost to get to the precious metal in the earth. On the machine's (dubbed the Boneshaker) first test run it goes amok, wrecking much of Seattle and killing throngs of people. As people begin to pick up the pieces, attempting to find Leviticus (who has conveniently gone missing) the dying begins again as a near-invisible gas begins to eek from the hole in the earth the machine caused. The gas--if it doesn't kill you--causes you to become a flesh-hungry zombie. As people flee in terror, they construct a wall around the ruined parts of the city, walling the zombies and the gas--called "Blight"--inside.

It's nothing if not creative. I've never read a story like this before.

It's the duality of zombie literature and steampunk that real draws my fascination.  I'm a recent fan of steampunk so I don't really have much of a comparison but I found Priest's fantastical creations both amusing and creative.  The zombie aspect left a little to be desired, but then again the novel wasn't wholly about zombies so I may just be splitting hairs. It's not like she was attempting to make a horror/scary novel.

But it's the displacement of time period (somewhere around the American Civil War though the dates had been moved around, cleverly I might add) and the combination of the steam-powered water filtration and giant dirigibles and the like that really made me turn the page with fervor.

I also really enjoyed the characters. Our heroine is the wife of Leviticus Blue, who is on a mission to rescue her ill-informed son who has managed to climb the wall into a zombie-infested Seattle. I really enjoyed Priest's style of dialogue; it was easy to read and wasn't cheesy or unbelievable.

All in all I found the novel extremely enjoyable and would really recommend it to anyone.

Happy Reading!!


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All are appreciated!!!

Tactical Tuesday: Footwear

Even fashion can be deadly

It's Tactical Tuesday!!
After sifting through numerous interesting and pertinent topics I've come to rest at: FOOTWEAR!!!

Now I recently purchased myself a lovely pair of lavender Reebok Trails. As a female, I am allowed to wear purple so I fell in love with them almost immediately (especially since my Korean friend picked them out for me). This got me to thinking: what types of footwear would be appropriate after the world has come to an end and there are no more Footlockers?

I heart my shoes

There are a couple different kinds of footwear (appropriate kinds, I won't be discussing the differences in slingbacks and stilettos) to chose from and depending on the kind of footwear you yourself are used to wearing and the terrain you plan on traversing your choices will be made accordingly. I will provide a rather unbiased opinion (being no great shoe enthusiast myself) and based on my own preferences. Feel free to make your selection on your own merits.

Now judging from personal experience, I feel that the applicable shoes for this scenario (that is the end of the world) can be divided as follows:

1) Running Shoes

2) Hiking Boots

3) Safety Shoes
3) Military Issue

Athletic Shoes

Adidas Running Shoes

Now this section can really be divided into further distinctions: All Terrain and Sports.
Sports shoes (for example running shoes or cross trainers) are meant to be used for athletic purposes, most often involving running and or playing sports indoors (ex: basketball). This means these shoes are especially suitable to provide for the wearer a comfortable fit. This comfortable fit means that the wearer's feet won't be sore after long periods of time on their feet (thus my preference for wearing them at work) and also give lots of air to the feet to allow perspiration to evaporate (thus preventing foot fungus or Trench Foot--ew). 

ASICS All Terrain Running Shoe

All Terrain is fairly similar, with a few exceptions.  These shoes are meant to be more durable for wearer and generally meant to be used for those who wear there sports shoes outside. They tend to provide more support (because of the wearer's tendency to run on more uneven surfaces than a basketball court) and have reinforced edges with PVC to prevent mud or water (like if you were jogging down a muddy street for example) from getting into the shoe.  All in all these shoes are made to be comfortable but are often more stylish than long lasting. The cloth sides and upper are very vulnerable to water damage over time and it is easy to imagine a nice sharp piece of glass or metal piercing right through the soft materials. While not a terrible choice, these shoes are not ideal in the advent of the apocalypse.

Hiking Boots

Mountaineering Boot: notice the tall, rigid heel.

Hiking Boots are a specially designed shoes to use for hiking (duh). There even further distinctions in Hiking Boots but I won't go any further than explaining that of many types I've selected Mountaineering Boots as the ideal example of hiking boots (many hiking enthusiasts would argue that Mountaineering Boots are not technically hiking boots but whatever) due to the fact that the other types of hiking boots are meant for lighter hikes that are not often more than a few days excursion (much shorter than the constant wear someone experiencing the apocalypse would expect). Mountaineering boots are used for those who hike and backpack for weeks at a time over rough terrain (these shoes can come with clasps for crampons, which are used to climb glaciers). The shoes themselves are devised to provide adequate support for the ankle (thus preventing the wearer from twisting it on uneven surfaces) without totally impeding movement. Mountaineering boots are also very durable, strong and have very stiff soles to give good support and protection on long difficult trails. While this type of boot seems ideal for an extreme terrain environment, these shoes are extremely stiff and may be impractical in the regular environment of a demolished suburban or metropolitan environment. Even for just basic daily use these shoes may be cumbersome and uncomfortable.

As you can see there are many options for safety shoes.

Safety Shoes are shoes used by those who perform construction work where large, heavy and or sharp objects may come in contact with the wearer's feet. Often called "Safety Boots," these boots have a steel toe reinforcement that prevents the wearer's toes from being crushed or severed in the advent of an accident. The steel toe reinforcement also protects from punctures from below. The shoes come in dozens of styles, from clogs and sneakers to high tops and knee-high boots. The boots can also come with additional protections like rubber linings (to prevent electrocution and water penetration), heat protection, and insulation against cold conditions. These shoes are often used by firefighter and swat teams (my dad has a pair he uses to mow the lawn). These shoes are nothing if not durable and judging by several safety legislations in the United States are just as safe as their manufactures claim. The only real downside to these type of shoes is their price which can be on the steep end of "kind of expensive." But what does that matter in the advent of a Zombie Apocalypse!!


Military Issue

USMC Combat Boot

Sage ABU Combat Boot

The Standard Issue boot for the US Military (starting with the Marine Corp when it switched to the MCCUU in '04) is the Belleville 500 Waterproof USMC combat boot or the Army Combat Boot (ACB) both of which come in two shades of brown: a desert tan or a temperate tan. The ABU (for the Air Force) has the same boot but is switching to a sage color.   All of these boots are made to be durable and waterproof while being comfortable and safe for a soldier to wear (they match their camouflaged uniform). The boots themselves are very heavy (2 lbs each) but receives a moderately positive reception among those issued them. The only real problem I foresee is that while these shoes are meant to last they aren't meant to last forever. Those who made them made them with understanding that the soldier would have a lovely Quartermaster to hand out new boots to those whose boots are unsuitable for wear. So while the boots are durable they won't last forever, especially with the rubber sole under constant wear. But to be honest that is true of any footwear you select.

Well there you go! I hope the information I've provided helps you in your quest for suitable footwear to wear to the end of the world party!

Happy Surviving!