Tactical Tuesday: Rifle-iscious

I am a chicken. Let me rephrase that, so as to not confuse you. I am not afraid of snakes. I am not afraid of thunderstorms or car accidents. I don't like the dark, but that's mostly because of my clumsy nature and a tendency to find errant footstools with my shins. I will clean up most bodily fluids (except poop. I don't like poop). But I do however have a healthy respect for my body and have a reasonable desire to keep in the same condition it is currently. I will not bungee jump. I will not sky dive. I will not mountain climb. I will not base jump. I will not climb up a really high tree. I will not be a race car driver. I will not ride on a dirt bike. Why?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!

Don't. Mess. With. Me.

Okay. That being said, I really like being the sniper in Resident Evil 5. All I need is a sniper rifle, a high position where undead people can't get me and WHAMO I am a weapon of mass destruction.

The reason I mention my chicken-ness is that I am not really one to let a zombie get really close to me before I kill it. I plan on killing it really far away.

So today instead of telling you which is the best sniper rifle---which I could never do as the only big scary gun that I've ever held in my hands in my dad's 12 gauge shot gun (btw, don' break into my house, you'll get to meet that big scary gun *grin*)---I have compiled a list of what you would look for in selecting a regular (and feasibly more obtainable) bolt-action rifle for yourself. You can superglue a big fat scope on top and make yourself feel scary if so you chose. I know I will. So why not a sniper rifle and why did I go into a huge rant about all that?

Who knows? It's late and I'm tired.

I digress.

That's a rifle. In case you were wondering.

First of all: What is a rifle? A rifle is a firearm designed to be fired from the shoulder that has a barrel with spiral grooves running down the inside. These grooves caused the projectile to spin when fired (like a properly hurled football--yes I made a sport metaphor and yes it will probably never happen again) thus making the projectile much more accurate.

There are several different types of rifles. I personally prefer bolt-actions for one reason. It's what I call the "DON'T PANIC" Factor. Ever panic in a video game (or real life who knows) and hold down that trigger and wow.....all my bullets are gone.....lame.

Well a bolt action rifle is an instant remedy to this problem because it requires the shooter to physically make an action to load a new round to be fired, thus conserving ammunition. Make them count boys, make them count.

Anyway.

As far as selecting a rifle for yourself there are a few factors to consider. They are as follows (and in no particular order):

1. Accuracy
2. Aesthetics
3. Caliber
4. Reliability
5. Functionality

I like to hit this.

1. Accuracy. When fighting legions of the undead it is exceedingly important that the rifle you are using shoots in the general direction that you point it (that may or may not be the guns fault, but I digress). A poorly designed or constructed weapon that fires inaccurately does the shooter very good when hungry ghouls are limping towards you.
2. Aesthetics. I call this category Aesthetics but it should ergonomics. Does the weapon feel good in your hands? Can you handle it comfortably?  You don't want to be 4'10'' holding a rifle that's almost as long as you are tall. Or use a weapon that is so heavy you can't keep it up and pointed for long periods of time. You also don't want a gun that is neon orange when you're hiding in Maine during Christmas. Just saying.
3. Caliber. This is very important. The size of the bullet often times is the difference between life and death. If you fire a round at a ghoul and the thing either goes right through soft tissue without doing so much as making the thing take a step back you may need to consider changing your weapon choice. Conversely, you can't pick a rare round not easily found in a local gun shop or Wal-Mart or whatever. You also can't pick the biggest bullet you can find because they tend to be very noisy and noise=attention. Attention is bad.
4. Reliability. This goes hand in hand with Accuracy. If you have weapon that jams all the time or because it jams all the time you have to clean it constantly, or misfires....those could be when you die. Don't get a cheaply made craptastic rifle.
5. Functionality. Can you take the gun apart quickly, quietly and efficiently? Does it require tools or can you just take it apart with buttons or slides on the weapon? Is there a section in the stock to hold ammunition? How many bullets does it hold when loaded? All factors that should affect your choice of weapon.

Now I won't go into the differences between things like bolt-actions and all those goodies, since most likely you'll have to grab what you can get (unless you're a boy scout in which case I'll be at your house). All I will say is that I am totally going to go after:

Winchester Model 70

The Ultimate Shadow....on the wall....

I really, really like this weapon. Isn't it pretty?

OK allow me to explain myself.
The weapon is wonderfully accurate. You point at something you want to shoot and the bullet goes there. And the weapon comes in dozens of styles, colors, sizes and *fan fare* you can chose from at least half a dozen different chambering options. Now the particular model I have learned to love (mainly because it's the grandchild of the rifle my granddaddy shot varmints with) is the Model 70 Ultimate Shadow. Its all smexy and black and compositey. Tee hee. You can chose from several different rounds though I prefer the .338 Winchester Magnum. They make things go splat (they are meant for big game. zombies are big game. shut up).

Good luck my friends. And don't shoot me on accident. or yourselves.