New Movie Review: The Expendables!

O.M.G.

Okay so I told myself I wouldn't see this movie in theaters because despite its ridiculously testosterone infested cast the film itself would no doubt suck and I wasn't going to spend 10 bucks on a stinker; I instead planned on buying/renting it when it came out on DVD.

Then my boyfriend took me on a date and we ended up seeing it because Inception is a 3 hour movie and we didn't get have time to see it.

Holy bodacious biceps Batman!!

The film was wall-to-wall action. Full of familiar faces and ridiculous one-liners spouted by Governators and Italian Stallions alike. It's great fun to see all these familiar kick-ass faces on screen so many years after they originally appeared (Dolph Lundgren and Steve Austin are special favorites).

The story is your basic "good guys/bad guys" story. Good guys want to stop bad guys and go in to rescue the damsel in distress while killing the greedy/crazy bad guys.

The super bad guy is Eric Roberts, who is probably one of my favorite character actors of today simply because he is sooooo greasy. The regular bad guy is a Noriega-esque dictator type played by David Zayas (he played a part in Michael Clayton (2007) I don't remember which) who is suitably weird and bad-guy like.

What I really like about the film is that it is really geared towards pleasing the fans. There are just so many inside jokes and goofy one liners that are meant to make fun of the characters in a way that isn't really demeaning, but in a way that draws the audience in--like it was a group of action movie junkies who made a fan homage to their favorite action heroes.

That and the fight scenes.

Terry Crews+Big Gun=Perfect Entertainment

O.M.G. Stallone, I could kiss you on your weird droopy mouth.
The fight scenes are--for lack of a better word--epic.
Terry Crews shoots a bunch of guys with an automatic shot gun. A lot.
Jason Statham beats the absolute crap out of like 200 people. I mean I want to rent this movie and see it again just because his hands move so fast I don't really know what happens until the bad people are on the ground crying.
Randy Couture gets Steve Austin in the face with a Flying Superman Punch.
Stallone beats a man until he falls backward and smacks into the back of his own leg.
Dolph Lungren (6'5") versus Jet Li (5'6"). for. real.

See this movie. If for no other reason than because it is the perfect combination of old school kickassery and wonderfully stupid and over-the-top cinematic stunts and explosions.

Yes.