Movie Review: Ninja Assassin



GAAAAAAH!!!



I never saw this movie when it first came out because I don't like movies that suck.

I know, that's shocking.

I feel victim to the stereotype of these goofy, over-the-top, kungfu-esque films that are really just Americanized Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon wannabes.

However, I must say after having watched Ninja Assassin against my will (dad had the remote) I will eat my words.

That movie was awesome!

So, my review for Ninja Assassin.

The film is about an assassin name Raizo who escapes the ninja school that raised him from an orphan. In doing so he makes himself a prime target for their continued attempts to kick his butt. AWESOMELY.




On top of this, a young lady (of course there's a young lady) named Mika (played by Naomie Harris---she's the scary Jamaican lady from the 2nd and 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movies or Selena from 28 Days Later) who gets a little too curious about the way some people have been murdered (throwing stars are effective, but conspicuous) and thus draws the attention of the bad-guy assassins. Thus Raizo (played by Korean actor, hip-hop singer, model and clothing designer Rain) swoops in to team up with her and save her butt and the day--killing people left and right all the way.

The only scarier Korean is Kim Jong-Il

Now. The basis for the awesomeness lies in the extremely effective method of the butt-kickery.  The people who wrote this movie obviously really enjoyed planning out the fight scenes. It's like a pack of 13-year-old boys who got a 50 million dollar budget to fill out their every violent ninja video game dream.



No.


This movie is like 10x more gruesome than I expected. I was expecting Street Fighter PG-13 violence (movie, not video game). Sad goofy half fake kill shots and completely ridiculous fake blood gizmos topped off with stupid dialogue and overly choreographed fight scenes.

No.



HI!

 Big fat slashy slashy. Completely awesome acrobatics combined with concise CGI graphics. The ninjas melt out of the shadows, throwing stars falling like rain as they go. I mean hundreds of them. And the guy has this big chain thing that he uses like a freakin' Indiana Jones on crack. And people get hurt. This isn't like James Bond or whatever where projectiles are flying and he mysteriously only gets a scratch. Dude gets chunks taken out of him. A lot. People get their heads chopped off ---at one point some guy gets chopped in half and his top half goes flying into the wall. Seriously.  Heads explode. Arms fly. Blood splatters (its CGI, so its ridiculously over-the-top, but in a fun way) willy-nilly. It's great.

The only real issue with the movie (and it is not really an issue ALL the time) is that the dialogue is rather wooden and the plot is somewhat thin. However, let me remind you. This is an action movie. Thus its not really meant to blow your mind with plot twists and dun dun duuuun moments.

The film is fun. It's a roller coaster of betrayal, violence, love, death and throwing stars.  Like a Six Flags of awesome.

See my movie. Or I will find you.

It's not Schindler's List but it certainly beats out a bunch of the other movies I've seen (Elektra, Street Fighter) of the Martial Arts genre of action movies. Definitely try it out, if you hunger for butt-kicking it shall certainly deliver.