Tactical Tuesday: Your Butt and How to Save It



rut wro!

 After receiving a wonderful suggestion from one of my readers (thanks brothers Judge!) I have done some necessary research to better inform the public on how to better protect themselves from Zombies.

Today's Topic? Personal Wellness and its effect on Zombie Protection.






  TACTICAL TUESDAY: YOUR BUTT AND HOW TO SAVE IT

1) Diet
2) Hydration
3) Cardio
4) Hygiene
5) Your Brain

1) Diet
   Ok so here we go. Human Beings are Omnivores meaning that in order to obtain all the necessary vitamins, minerals, protein andetc we need to eat a variety of food stuffs--unlike cows who only need vegatation or lions who only need meat. What you should focus on primarily is getting as much of a variety as possible. Don't just go for the carbohydrates. Don't just go for protein. Grab whatever you can but make sure that once the shelves get bare you are finding sources of the nutrients that you need, even if they are in unusual places.
   Protein is the most important. A half-cup of beans has as much protein as 3oz of broiled steak. Soy milk is a great source of protein in drinkable form that doesn't spoil or need refrigeration like regular milk until the package is opened. Also remember that protein is not stored in the fat like carbohydrates are---once you stop eating them or don't eat enough of them your body starts breaking down muscle mass to make up for the difference. Your hair will fall out, followed by fingernails and eventually you will become very very weak. The amount of protein your body needs just to function daily is your body weight in pounds multiplied by .37. If there's a choice at the beginning of the apocalypse? Stock up on protein sources and eat them sparingly.

Surprisingly, fast food isn't good for you. Tasty though.

   Vitamins and Minerals are also really important. Most people in the United States don't realize how lucky they are to not suffer from vitamin deficiencies. Broccoli and red peppers are actually higher in vitamin C than oranges. Also beware of vitamin supplements. There are different kinds of vitamins, fat-soluable (you don't pee out extra) and water-soluable (you pee out extra). There is a real possibility of overdosing on fat-soluable vitamins like A, D, E, and K. Overdosing on these vitamins can lead to several different debilitating illnesses, all of which are avoidable if one simply reads the bottle in which the supplements are found. Also---your body makes vitamin D every time you go out in the sunshine--just 15 minutes outside in bright sunshine with some bare skin exposed will give you enough vitamin D. Also remember to enjoy some Iodized Salt on occasion (which I'm sure won't be a problem with all the preserved food--made with salt, but check the packaging). Iodine is a necessity, especially in protecting your thyroid gland in the event of a nuclear explosion (most people who get cancer from radiation get thryoid cancer or something similar). Iodized salt is salt with Iodine in it, which supplements our diet.

   Bottom Line: Think with your brain, not your stomach. Eat what's good for you when you can. Make sure it's not spoiled, then stuff your face while you can.



Even Zombies need to hydrate

 2) Hydration
   I cannot stress enough how important it is to ingest enough water. Water is what your blood is made of, it protects your brain, heart and other organs. It makes digestion possible. When you feel hungry, most of the time you are actually thirsty. The best way to tell if you are hydrated is not if you feel thirsty...its how much you pee. Another job water performs in your body is to flush out all the bad stuff in your blood, lymphatic, and endocrine systems so that you pee it out. The ideal amount of pee a person should output is right around 6 cups a day. So in order to replace this you should try to ingest somewhere around 8 eight-ounce cups of water or other beverages a day. Now I will say this....it doesn't have to be WATER. It has to be a non-caffinated, non-alcoholic beverage.  Caffiene and Alcohol are natural diuretics, which means they tell your body to kick out more water than it normally would, thus dehydrating you! If you have to drink a caffinated beverage make sure you supplement it with extra water.

   Bottom Line: Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day and you'll be set!



WHAAAAAAAAA!!! *puff puff* WHAAAAA!!!!!

 3) Cardio--DON'T SKIP THIS YOU LAZY BUMS!
   Cardio or Aerobic Exercise are exercises geered toward strengthening the heart muscle and the lungs into better transporting blood and oxygen to the body. Exercises like jogging, swimming, stationary bike (my favorite!!), rowing, cross-country skiing are some examples. Any exercise that puts you in a constant state of motion for more than 20 minutes.  The focus is not on strength-training and muscle-building but on endurance and respiratory fitness.  Cardio is important because once the Apocalypse arrives you will probably spend a decent amount of time evading people and zombies attempting to kill you. You will find this difficult if you have a stitch in your side and your leg muscles are seized up because your heart is not strong enough to send oxygen-laden blood to your extremities fast enough.  Cardio is not hard to fit into your lifestyle. Just do somethings that get your heart-rate up for more than 20 minutes. Don't like running? Speed-walk with weights on your ankles! Hot outside? Do laps in the pool for 20 minutes! Treadmill taken at the gym? Try the nordic track! As long as your heart-rate is up and you've got a nice sweat going you're doing it right---just keep doing it for a least 20 minutes for 3 times a week!
  
   Bottom Line: Move now while you're not being chased by legions of the undead!

4) Cleanliness
   As a female I take pride in my personal....aroma. I make sure that I don't stink and keep my body very very clean. Men, as a species, have less of a tendency to maintain their physical cleanliness. Soap is your friend. Women are more susceptable to infections of their....areas then men are---but that doesn't mean that men can't get them. Candidiasis (Yeast Infection) can occur anywhere on the body, but often occurs where there are folds of skin that are kept wet, warm and dirty for longer periods of time. Imagine walking around after the world comes to an end for months at a time without washing. Imagine all the areas...............that are dirty and begin to smell and need a wash.......funky-ness that leads to infections.....yeah you get my point. WASH OFTEN.

This could be you. Cut your damn hair you hippie

   Hair is very important to cleanliness and safety. Now, I have long hair. I look good with long hair. It also makes a good handle-----FOR THE UNDEAD!!!! The minute the apocalypse comes I'm getting a buzz cut. The long hair is also difficult to keep clean, stays wet over a long period of time and can affect my visibility and block my eyesight. I plan on sacrificing my vanity in order to save my life!
   Teeth are important. Getting an absess tooth--which occurs when your tooth decays below the gumline and the surround gumtissue gets infected. Eventually your tooth will fall out---which is painful but rarely fatal. Now to prevent this BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Toothaches also make it difficult to eat which is akin to clogging the fuel line on a car. No eat=get eaten by zombies. Tartar on your teeth is also linked to heart disease and various other illnesses. BRUSH YOUR TEETH DAMMIT! Even if it is just with a piece of paper or a twig from a tree.

Feed your Braaaaaaaaainss....

   Next up is your nails--keep them short but not too short. DO NOT BITE THEM. Your hands will be in very gross places and sticking them in your mouth will only increase your chances of getting ill. Keeping long nails also increases your chances of keeping dirt close to your food, which also increases your chances of getting ill. Also if you cut your nails too short there is a chance they could get infected and fall off. Which from personal experience is extremely painful.

  

   Bottom Line: Keep Your Butt Clean.

5) Your Brain

   Aside from being the main staple of the Zombie Diet, your brain is incredibly important to your survival because after the world comes to an end....THERE IS NO GOOGLE!!! You will have to survive on the power of your knowledge alone. With what you know now how do you think you'd fare? Yeah that's what I thought. READ MY LOVELIES! Obtain knowledge!  Your brain is the only thing that maurading bandits and zombies can't take away from you (well they can but by that point you'd be dead and you won't care anyway).

  Bottom Line: Filling your brain with good things like knowledge prevents it from being filled with grasping undead fingers.