Sucker Punch: A Reprieve



I realize that I have not posted since last November but upon hearing the myriad of sad, confused and just plain angry feelings geared toward the film Sucker Punch I felt compelled to speak.

For your Reading Pleasure: Sucker Punch: A Reprieve

directed and written by Zach Snyder

The film stars Emily Browning (oldest kid in Lemony Snickett or the little ghost kid from Ghost Ship) as Babydoll, Vanessa Hudgens (annoying "meek" lead in High School Musical) as Blondie, Jenna Malone (character actress, most recognizable as the chick who ferried Jude Law before getting shot in Cold Mountain, or as Lydia Bennett in the Pride & Prejudice with Kiera Knightly) as Rocket, Abbie Cornish (Elizabeth: The Golden Age, she's the one who Clive Owen knocks up) as Sweet Pea, Jamie Chung (nothing much...she was on the Real World: San Diego though) as Amber, Carla Gugino (Mom from Spy Kids) as Dr. Vera Gorski/Madam Gorski, Oscar Isaac (King John from Russell Crowe Robin Hood) as Blue Jones/Orderly Guy and Scott Glenn (among dozens of awesome roles, best known for Jodi Foster's FBI bossguy in Silence of the Lambs or one of the CIA guys in the Bourne Ultimatum) as Wise Man.

 

from left: Sweet Pea, Rocket, Babydoll, Blondie and Amber. The gentleman is Wise Man



The film opens with a voiceover explaining that one never knows when angels are going to come and help you.

Sucker Punch tells the story of a young woman (referred to as Babydoll) framed for murdering her sister by her stepfather, who has her committed to a mental institution where she will be lobotomized in five days (meaning having the frontal bone of your skull punctured with a big spike, effectively turning you into a vegetable....it was still in common practice until the late 70s, btw).  She enters the asylum where it quickly becomes clear after her stepfather speaks to an orderly about forging documents to get her lobotomized. The resident pyschologist as this asylum is Dr. Vera Gorski (Gugino) whose method of treating patients is having them reenact their fears on a large stage.

Side Note: I heard someone complaining recently that "that stepfather would never be able to have her checked into the asylum. thats ridiculous. this movie is stupid." And I do agree that her stepfather would not be able to commit her.  But no one argued when Snyder made Xerxes like 20 feet tall in 300. Its a movie people....sheesh. 

Now here we have the first instance of people going WELL HOLY CRAP THIS MOVIE SUCKS

Take a breath. We'll get through this together.

As Babydoll is watching Dr. Gorksi work the whole asylum melts away and transforms into a brothel. 

Now go with me. 

 

As it becomes understood in the brothel/dream, the mental patients/hookers are required to dance in order to be selected by their s, on a stage that mirrors the one in the asylum we just left. The lobotomy-giving orderly is now the pimp, Blue Jones and the Psychologist Dr. Gorksi is now Madam Gorksi. 

Gugino as Madam Gorksi and Isaacs as Blue Jones

Side Note #1 (get used to these side notes)
So. Yes. This is symbolism and it is also a dream within a dream (everyone looooooved Inception).  The young women are "dancing" in the dream-brothel but in reality they are performing their craziness in the real life asylum. Get it?

Now Babydoll has not had any dialogue up until this point.  But as the Brothel delusion continues (we will not return to the asylum until the end of the film), it becomes clear that within 5 days a "high roller" will arrive to take Babydoll away, an obvious reference to the lobotomy, thus reminding us they are connected. We are introduced to the rest of the cast, most importantly Rocket and Sweet Pea, who are a pair of sisters.  Babydoll saves Rocket from being raped/killed for stealing chocolate from the cook. 



I know I sound like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle....but listen...

 Babydoll is forced to dance after a brief pep talk from Dr. Gorksi telling her (forgive my paraphrase here, it was actually a pretty good speech considering) "we must fight, you have it inside you. The Battle starts now....fight for survival." 
 Babydoll begins to dance (or rather sway) and the scenery behind her melts away into this crazy big dojo and thus we get the first crazy awesome battle scene!

Side Note #2 Now I will say this. I have yet to hear someone complain about the fight scenes beyond their "fakeness." Seriously? If you hear someone say that stop being friends with them.  As a child that person probably refused to play cowboys and indians because "they weren't really indians, but native Americans."  ITS A CUTE GIRL KILLING A DEMON/SAMURAI WITH A MINI GUN. STFU!!!

Here we meet the Wise Man.  Basically the Mr. Miagi for Babydoll and her friends, he explains to Babydoll that she needs five things to escape: a knife, fire, a key, a map and a sacrifice. 

Hatori who?

Side Note #3 Glenn totally steals these scenes with his Wise Man. He is channeling some serious David Caradine Legend of the Iron Master here with his altruistic sayings like: "For those who fight for it, life has a flavor that those who don't will never know."  I love fortune cookie crap, seriously. 
 

 Soon after this scene Babydoll becomes incensed to free herself and the other ladies from their prison at the brothel.  Sweet Pea reluctantly agrees to help but only because Rocket (who has bonded with Babydoll after cook problem) talks her into it.

  The ladies then go on a burglary spree, stealing the things they need to escape.  Each time they steal something off the list, Babydoll dances (her dances cause those watching to lapse into a trance) to distract people while the other ladies go get the stuff.  However once the dance/dream/kick ass sequence begins all the ladies are fighting together in this pseudo-war zone-fantasy/scifi/awesomeness mashup.



Dragon v. Airplane!!!! OMG!!

 Dream 1) Babydoll fights Samurai guys-->awesome
Dream 2) Everyone against Steam-powered WWI German zombies. It was awesome. Lots of guns(from of course wrong era), robots vs bi-planes, zombies, stabbing, angry Germans and an awesome soundtrack.
Dream 3) fighting a dragon with airplanes and swords. its awesome
Dream 4) getting a bomb off of a moving train, fighting crazy Asimov-esque robots

Side Note #4 Now what I find funny is that a lot of people are complaining because of how unrealistic these sequences are. seriously? its a robot fighting a bi-plane. why do you care? I don't think Snyder cared. I think he wanted an awesome fight and a chance to create some beautiful (albeit overthetop) images.  I think these sequences are meant to be fantastical in order to remind the audience that they are imagined and that the fight they represent is difficult.  Babydoll is fighting a battle here, but she is also dancing in an imagined brothel that is really an asylum.

As a bit of a cinemotography/CGI geek I truly appreciate the effort with which Snyder uses CGI to create his films.  Sucker Punch will never be accused of being an ugly film. 

Here is where spoilers begin, so page down if you don't want to know.

Spoiler Zone:
 Broads just keep getting killed. Rocket gets stabbed and dies, meaning Sweet Pea flips out and gets stuffed in a closet.  Blondie tattles and she gets shot for being a snitch.  Amber gets shot for stealing the knife. 
Babydoll is spared because Blue Jones needs to sell her. As Blue Jones is leaning in to be all like "I'm the gross scary bad guy" she stabs him and steals his key.  She then runs and frees Sweet Pea.  They create a fire for diversion since it will open all the doors (as made clear by a sign focused on during the asylum sequence).

I was literally bouncing in my chair and clapping my hands

They get just outside before a huge group of tall tough guys make it apparent that there is no way to sneak past.  Babydoll goes...wow. Now I get it. I need to make a sacrifice.  Me. I save someone. I save you Sweet Pea. So Babydoll goes up and kicks a guy in the crotch while Sweet Pea gets away.

We fade back to the asylum and see a mirror of the destruction incurred at the brothel (burned walls, cook missing a knife etc.).  Babydoll receives her lobotomy, but not before Gorski figures out that the orderly (Isaacs) has been forging her signatures. 

That same orderly is caught red-handed and arrested while attempting to rape the now vegetaized Babydoll, while screaming "I take care of them, their my girls" (a mirror to what Blue Jones yelled before killing Amber and Blondie). The last scene is Sweet Pea getting on a bus (driven by Wise Man) and going off into the sunset.

S
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Ok its safe from Spoilers

Confused?
I was too. But I sat and thought about it. 
Here's my thought: 

Sweeeeeeet Pea....gun......*want gun drool*

At the beginning it is Sweet Pea's voice talking about meeting an angel that saves your life.  Thats why Babydoll does not have dialogue until she reaches the asylum.  This story is Sweet Pea's, not Babydolls. Babydoll is blond and blue eyed, a virgin (as the movie points out), brave and kind; all these make reference to the "angels" mentioned in the film's initial voiceover.  

The fight scenes Babydoll slides into are manifestations of the "you must fight!" that Madam/Dr. Gorski has given her.  They aren't meant to be real!! They are merely the product of her imagination!

  If you think of the movie in this context, with the addition of crazy Babydoll lapsing into her dream sequence for fighting zombies, the movie begins to not only make sense...but then relief washes over you....and you go "wow....that was actually a pretty good movie....heh..."

In all honesty I really detest movies where the symbolism is apparent. But to be fair I didn't really have a problem with that in Sucker Punch.  There was something about the obvious-ness about that made it mix well with the over-the-top silliness of what was on screen. 



I'm all out of thin mints.
I brought this sword instead.



People who don't like this movie at least a little bit are really thinking too hard.  Yeah the dialogue was at times a little silly and of course the *insert sex here* mentality for acquiring ticket sales is a little obnoxious but there is something of message beneath the blood, smut and LCD-y graphics. 

Sucker Punch is about fighting.  Fighting Zombies. Fighting Dragons. Fighting Robots. Fighting and never giving up.

Side Note #5-->The soundtrack for this film is amazing. Emily Browning actually sings a huge chunk of the songs, rather than HSM veteran Vanessa Hudgens--I find this amusing.  Covers of The Smiths, The Beatles, Bjork, Eurythmics, Queen among others.

 katetheflake out!!

The Wolfman:Kindly Puppy or Ferocious Beast? You Decide!

Comments and Suggestions are welcome! I'm making Christmas Cookies this week! Anyone who submits a suggestion for a movie, book, TV show or comic review gets cookies!!!

Love you guys!

Favorite Friday: 28 Days Later

 Jello-O and Zombies.....lets discuss.

     I like apocalypse. I like that show "Life After People" on the History Channel. I like The Road by Cormac McCarthy (haven't seen the movie yet, but will ASAP). I like Planet of the Apes and The Road Warrior. I could live in the Thunderdome. I want to be Tank Girl. I liked Waterworld (yeah, don't hold it against me). Wall-E makes me tingly.


I love this cover

     But why? For me, there is just something so innately fascinating about viewing the world through the lens of destruction. I'm addicted to imagining what would happen to the world if society went kaput. When I watch these films I feel prepared, justified and safe. Like I somehow know something that other people don't. I prefer zombies films where society has already crumbled. Past the chaos and onto living on scavenged cat food and making weapons out of old car parts.

     So.



FAVORITE FRIDAY: 28 DAYS LATER

     I know this isn't a zombie movie (yes it is) because director Danny Boyle has constantly told everyone that is not a zombie movie (but it is). That being said, it is the most zombie-like post-apocalyptic movie about sick people who transfer their sickness (very zombie-like...because it is) to others.

     Okay kidding aside, this technically isn't a zombie movie. Not really. These bad-guys are really just very very sick people. They aren't killed and then reanimate. They die when you shoot them in the chest. They starve to death. They bleed out etc.  They also don't eat people. They just get angry and express it in a very rude way.



left to right, Gleeson, Murphy and Harris



     28 Days Later follows a group of people who after 4 weeks following the initial outbreak are seemingly the remaining survivors of an extremely contagious epidemic that has struck the United Kingdom. The virus, unlike anything ever seen before causes those afflicted (they are referred to as "the infected", never the "z-word") to become as so succinctly put at the beginning of the film "infected with rage." The disease is instantly contagious and the only cure is death.

     Jim (Cillian Murphy, Scarecrow from Batman Begins) wakes up from a coma alone in a hospital. As he wanders the streets, he is set upon by Selena (Naomie Harris, scary voodoo lady from Pirates of the Caribbean) whom he joins forces with and eventually Frank (Brendan Gleeson, Menelaus (Helen's hubby) from Troy) and his daughter Hannah. Together they travel across country towards the promise of safety. Without revealing too much, they meet trouble in the form of infected and not infected persons.

All alone.....

    But the reason I like this film so much is that it is personal.  The setting is real. Society has been rushed into evacuation and quarantine. Is that so hard to believe possible? Could a disease like that spring up somehow in the world? In the United States? To us? Oh yes. That makes it scary. You look out the window when you watch this movie, looking for furious red eyes.



that's just funny

 I know I said I was scared of zombies. But my fear somehow makes what these characters are going through much more real. I feel for them when they share moments of despair. I understand a father wearing riot gear to protect his kids. The confusion, anger and terror. You meet so many different crazy end of the world kind of people. Despairing people. "Screw it lets do this" people. Funny people. Good people. Really bad people.

And it's funny! There are moments of quaint pleasure found in the simple act of eating peaches after months of soda and snack cakes. A soldier running away screaming like a girl while an infected chases him down a hallway. The pure zit-popping pleasure of a bad guy getting exactly what he deserves. A guy getting smacked over the head for fear of him biting a girl when he was actually kissing her. Slapstick end-of-the-world humor. Awesomeness.
Great down-played carnage and special effects coupled with truly scary infected persons. Their eyes are what get me. *shudder* It reveals what really scares us...ourselves! Real people scare us! OMG!



spoooky eyes!

 And yet. And yet. There is a depth to this film that as you watch it over and over again you find yourself seeing a different film each time. You notice different layers of destruction, toys laying in the mud, good-bye letters that you were too distracted to notice. Lines so simple:

"Infected with what!?"
"....Rage."

So simple. So effective.

And it is rage that is explored here, not zombies. Rage is what is so fascinating. It's not evil here that has filled these people. It's not a flesh-hungry violent zombie virus like in Dawn of the Dead. This a war movie. It's people killing people. It's just hyper-concentrated. Rage is a human thing. Animals don't get mad (to be specific I think they just really scared because they're scared). Plants don't get mad. Yes.

28 Days Later can be taken on two levels. A scary zombie-like movie full of action, suspense, gore and drama. Or as a treatise on the human condition by putting people in the worst of situations and seeing what happens.

Watch it alone or with people. It's like the Jell-O of scary zombie-esque movies. And there is always room for Jell-O.

Favorite Friday: Shaun of the Dead

   Ladies and Gentlemen: SHAUN OF THE DEAD

It's come to my attention that my favorites have become a little top heavy with the attractive undead and kickass living. So I've decided to even it out a bit with extremely unattractive undead, mostly to go with the upcoming Halloween season.



 

Funny as Hell



  I belong to a little group known as Zombiephobic's Anonymous or ZA.

Okay so that's a lie. There is no such thing as Zombiephobic's Anonymous or if there is it is so anonymous I don't know about it.

Anyway....as a young human I went through a phase where anything that remotely looked like a zombie scared the living crap out of me. This coupled with an overactive anxiety organ somewhere in my extremely irrational brain led me to hiding survival kits in the bathrooms of my house (and other people's houses....yeah I was weird). Part of my rehabilitation (coupled with a year of therapy) was a slow introduction into zombie media by my ever patient, zombie-snob of a boyfriend Patrick.

There's a point to this, I promise.

One of the earliest movies I could really stand was Shaun of the Dead. 

For some reason the combination of ridiculously amusing comedy and gory zombie flick didn't scare me. And ever since I have truly enjoyed the film.

  The reason zombie aficionados and regular movie-goers alike love Shaun of the Dead is because of the writing acumen and zombie-tastic obsession of those who created the film.


Yeah those are brain cupcakes


   It's like eating a cupcake made by a person who both is a great chef and really really loves cupcakes.

  The main character is a 28-year-old aimless department store salesmen named Shaun (Simon Pegg, who also co-wrote the script) whose personal troubles involving girlfriend Liz (Kate Ashfield), stepfather Philip (Bill Nighy), roommate Pete (Peter Serafinowicz, who voiced Darth Maul in Star Wars Phantom Menace) and best friend Ed (Nick Frost) coincide with the sudden onslaught of legions of the undead. He must save the people he loves and get his shit together all the while avoiding flesh-hungry zombies. It's like a funny Hugh Grant movie. With Zombies.



I'd kill the hipster zombies first



   First things first. The movie is just plain funny. The deft handling of comedic timing coupled with perfectly delicious gore and violence leaves one giggling constantly between groans of grossed out pleasure. It's witty comment plus gross out moment consistently keeping you entertained by double-teaming you with gore, violence, slapstick (or slap cricket bat) and sarcastic comments.

What makes the film even better is that its a zombie movie for REGULAR PEOPLE. We don't have Uzis and RPGs and tricked-out chain saws. We have cue sticks! We have bats! We scream like a girl when one-armed undead assailants enter our living room! As I watch this film it is like I know these people. You should know them too!!We all know a pretentious douche like "Pete" or a nice-guy lazy bum like "Shaun" or a stupid childish "Ed." But it is this familiarity that draws us into this film and makes it a zombie movie for the people, by the people. It's like the United States of Undead. It takes the movie to another level. Rooting for the dumb stoner character who knows how to survive from video games or revelling when the annoyingly bitchy guy gets eaten takes the film from "scary escapist entertainment" to "pleasantly gross roller coaster ride with some of your best friends." 



Um....Shaun....there are...oh you'll figure it out...



   Beyond its simple premise, the movie is both an homage to zombie films and a part of what has become the Zombie Renaissance in the last 6 years. It represents a culmination of a serious reinterest in zombie media that over the past few years has blossomed back into the spotlight (most zombie-snobs look down on those who have recently fallen for zombie movies. I roll my eyes at them because of their snootiness).  Zombies never really went away, they instead just fell away from the main spotlight. Shaun of the Dead is part of what brought zombies back into that spotlight.

  Shaun of the Dead is full of references to horror works spanning the last 6 decades including 28 Days Later (voice on the radio talks about rabid monkeys, referencing this film), Dawn of the Dead, An American Werewolf in London (the grocery store Shaun gets ice cream from is called "Landis" after John Landis, the movie's director) just to name a few. I mean come on...Romero liked this movie so much that he had Simon Pegg and the director Edgar Wright cameo in his movie Land of the Dead.

There are so many cameos that every time I watch it I see someone else who looks familiar and I end up googling it until I figure out who they were. So I was completely floored when I spotted this fellow in the back.

Yeah that's Chris Martin of Coldplay right there on the right hand side, blue jeans and gray shirt. Tee hee.

  As someone who really hasn't been immersed in zombie movies (I refuse to watch Cannibal Holocaust, since I KNOW it will give me nightmares) this movie is completely enjoyable for anyone, not just someone seeking out pop culture references or zombie-political-correctness (you zombie snobs and your "zombie rules"). If you just want to watch a HORROR MOVIE or a COMEDY or a HORROR COMEDY or a ZOMBIE COMEDY this film suits all those needs perfectly well.

I think that you should see this movie.

Enough said. Go forth, young people. Enjoy the gore. I give you my blessing!



Movie Review: Ninja Assassin



GAAAAAAH!!!



I never saw this movie when it first came out because I don't like movies that suck.

I know, that's shocking.

I feel victim to the stereotype of these goofy, over-the-top, kungfu-esque films that are really just Americanized Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon wannabes.

However, I must say after having watched Ninja Assassin against my will (dad had the remote) I will eat my words.

That movie was awesome!

So, my review for Ninja Assassin.

The film is about an assassin name Raizo who escapes the ninja school that raised him from an orphan. In doing so he makes himself a prime target for their continued attempts to kick his butt. AWESOMELY.




On top of this, a young lady (of course there's a young lady) named Mika (played by Naomie Harris---she's the scary Jamaican lady from the 2nd and 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movies or Selena from 28 Days Later) who gets a little too curious about the way some people have been murdered (throwing stars are effective, but conspicuous) and thus draws the attention of the bad-guy assassins. Thus Raizo (played by Korean actor, hip-hop singer, model and clothing designer Rain) swoops in to team up with her and save her butt and the day--killing people left and right all the way.

The only scarier Korean is Kim Jong-Il

Now. The basis for the awesomeness lies in the extremely effective method of the butt-kickery.  The people who wrote this movie obviously really enjoyed planning out the fight scenes. It's like a pack of 13-year-old boys who got a 50 million dollar budget to fill out their every violent ninja video game dream.



No.


This movie is like 10x more gruesome than I expected. I was expecting Street Fighter PG-13 violence (movie, not video game). Sad goofy half fake kill shots and completely ridiculous fake blood gizmos topped off with stupid dialogue and overly choreographed fight scenes.

No.



HI!

 Big fat slashy slashy. Completely awesome acrobatics combined with concise CGI graphics. The ninjas melt out of the shadows, throwing stars falling like rain as they go. I mean hundreds of them. And the guy has this big chain thing that he uses like a freakin' Indiana Jones on crack. And people get hurt. This isn't like James Bond or whatever where projectiles are flying and he mysteriously only gets a scratch. Dude gets chunks taken out of him. A lot. People get their heads chopped off ---at one point some guy gets chopped in half and his top half goes flying into the wall. Seriously.  Heads explode. Arms fly. Blood splatters (its CGI, so its ridiculously over-the-top, but in a fun way) willy-nilly. It's great.

The only real issue with the movie (and it is not really an issue ALL the time) is that the dialogue is rather wooden and the plot is somewhat thin. However, let me remind you. This is an action movie. Thus its not really meant to blow your mind with plot twists and dun dun duuuun moments.

The film is fun. It's a roller coaster of betrayal, violence, love, death and throwing stars.  Like a Six Flags of awesome.

See my movie. Or I will find you.

It's not Schindler's List but it certainly beats out a bunch of the other movies I've seen (Elektra, Street Fighter) of the Martial Arts genre of action movies. Definitely try it out, if you hunger for butt-kicking it shall certainly deliver.

Blood:The Last Vampire Review

Such potential badass....alas

So I really like vampires. You all know this. So when I saw this movie I was really excited and totally into a movie about a Japanese vampire who kills demons. I'd heard that the anime/manga was good, so I naturally assumed that the film would be at least passable.

I didn't like it. Not even a little bit. I got bored. Do you know how hard it is to make vampires boring. They eat people! The film was droll and the plot so slow and uneventful that I was FORCED to pay attention. Like I wanted to get a book out.

The film takes place in 1970s Japan and is about a demon-killing vampire named Saya (who is really the only badass character in the whole movie. Which is saying a lot). who kills demons for a demon-killing agency. Her father and teacher were killed by a big bad demon who Saya is trying to kill back. It gets a little bit more complicated than that, but not by much.

Those are the demons. You could shoot spitwads at them and they'd die.

What really annoys me is that the film had a ton of potential. In theory a demon-slaying vampire lady, while unoriginal, could be potentially badass. And the dialogue is definitely an homage to the anime/manga roots (especially in a scene with demon teenagers getting their heads cut off---strangely satisfying btw). But this potential was squandered with some bad decisions. Everything looked like someone had done it on their Macbook. And what's worse is that whole scenes are dedicated to fighting these CGI-created monsters that look really, really lame. And don't get me started on the horrendous bullet-impacts. Seriously? They don't even really match up when the guy gets hit...like its just bad. I've seen B-movies with more satisfying special effects.

To be honest with you, the acting wasn't all that bad considering the script. I just feel rather jipped about everything else.  I mean there are some really good and fairly famous character actors (you'll recognized Taka from The Last Samurai and the German bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in there).  But they're only in the film fleetingly. It seems that no character is permanent. Everyone keeps DYING. But not in a sad kind of way like The Pianist or Rent or something but in a....where'd that guy go? What do you mean he died 15 minutes ago? How? Oh. That was him? Oh.

So. Yeah. Anyway. See it if you must. But beware.

Movie Review: Surrogates

I really don't like cop dramas. I just don't. It doesn't really defame my character or make me stupid or lame in any way (well it annoys certain members of my family who really like cop dramas) but to be honest with you when I saw the trailer for Surrogates I was intrigued.

So SURROGATES!

The premise of this film is that humans have developed mind-controllable robots, allowing them to stay in their homes while controlling the robots remotely.   Car accidents, war, disease, murder---all gone. It's perfect! Wonderfully survivalable! The world is ours for the taking!

Pretty much awesome, right?

It is....UNTIL MURDER!

Someone's pissed about the integration of robots into everyday society (and I quote a scary lady with a shot gun "You're an abomination!") effectively removing the human element from the world. They start killing people via their surrogates (what what really looks like a great big taser, btw) which is a huge bummer to these people because they have been acting up something fierce (apparently surrogates are the ultimate prophylactic and/or bungee chord).

"I'm about to see dead people"

(by the way: the older brother from Home Alone pops up overweight and gross as hell. Keep an eye out.)

My opinion of this film is varied but overall good.

The casting for this film is spot on and highly enjoyable. I'm a big James Cromwell fan (ever since Babe) and he's sufficiently creepy and/or rainmanly brilliant in this film though I find it amusing that he played basically the same character in I-Robot. I also enjoy Ving Rhames as this really awesome prophet guy since a mystic crazy man with goons is probably the role he's been born to play.

The script and dialogue are flowing and engaging enough for a sci-fi action flick but at times it seems a little too preachy. I find myself telling the screen "I know we suck as a society. You don't need to keep telling me." While I realize that this film is basically expanding on the premise that as a society we are all extremely narcisstic and shallow, the running joke stops being funny about half-way through the film and it just gets depressing.

The script is also a little predictable and is a little over-the-top with the parts concerning Bruce Willis' character and his relationship with his wife. Its really hard to watch John Mclane cry and stuff.

Beyond that the film really is pretty good. I like the sci-fi aspect mixed in with cop drama.

And watching a CGI-botoxed version of Bruce Willis is immensely amusing.

Tee hee....its like his skin is plastic....oh it is...woops

ENJOY!

New Movie Review: The Expendables!

O.M.G.

Okay so I told myself I wouldn't see this movie in theaters because despite its ridiculously testosterone infested cast the film itself would no doubt suck and I wasn't going to spend 10 bucks on a stinker; I instead planned on buying/renting it when it came out on DVD.

Then my boyfriend took me on a date and we ended up seeing it because Inception is a 3 hour movie and we didn't get have time to see it.

Holy bodacious biceps Batman!!

The film was wall-to-wall action. Full of familiar faces and ridiculous one-liners spouted by Governators and Italian Stallions alike. It's great fun to see all these familiar kick-ass faces on screen so many years after they originally appeared (Dolph Lundgren and Steve Austin are special favorites).

The story is your basic "good guys/bad guys" story. Good guys want to stop bad guys and go in to rescue the damsel in distress while killing the greedy/crazy bad guys.

The super bad guy is Eric Roberts, who is probably one of my favorite character actors of today simply because he is sooooo greasy. The regular bad guy is a Noriega-esque dictator type played by David Zayas (he played a part in Michael Clayton (2007) I don't remember which) who is suitably weird and bad-guy like.

What I really like about the film is that it is really geared towards pleasing the fans. There are just so many inside jokes and goofy one liners that are meant to make fun of the characters in a way that isn't really demeaning, but in a way that draws the audience in--like it was a group of action movie junkies who made a fan homage to their favorite action heroes.

That and the fight scenes.

Terry Crews+Big Gun=Perfect Entertainment

O.M.G. Stallone, I could kiss you on your weird droopy mouth.
The fight scenes are--for lack of a better word--epic.
Terry Crews shoots a bunch of guys with an automatic shot gun. A lot.
Jason Statham beats the absolute crap out of like 200 people. I mean I want to rent this movie and see it again just because his hands move so fast I don't really know what happens until the bad people are on the ground crying.
Randy Couture gets Steve Austin in the face with a Flying Superman Punch.
Stallone beats a man until he falls backward and smacks into the back of his own leg.
Dolph Lungren (6'5") versus Jet Li (5'6"). for. real.

See this movie. If for no other reason than because it is the perfect combination of old school kickassery and wonderfully stupid and over-the-top cinematic stunts and explosions.

Yes.

Film Review:Innocent Blood

So I love Big Lots. I love it because no matter how bad of a day I've had, I can wander in there and find something I've been looking for at an extremely reasonable price.

Today it was toothpaste--but I also found this FANTASTIC FILM!!!

Innocent Blood (1992) starring Anthony LaPaglia and Anne Parillaud.

This movie is something new to me because *cue music* I've never heard of it before. Which is utterly shocking!! Not only should I have heard of this movie merely for the fact that so many famous people are crammed into it--the film is also funny and icky!

Robert Loggia as Sal the Shark---slightly dead

The plot centers around a lonely, hungry lady vampire--played by Anne Parillaud--who takes a bite out of a couple of gangsters in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Unfortunately she doesn't "finish" and the mob boss (Robert Loggia=awesome bad guy vampire) turns into another vampire and proceeds to wreak havoc across the city. Anthony LaPaglia plays an undercover cop going after the mob boss and who goes in with the lady to kill the monster mob boss.

The film is directed by the ever-satisfying John Landis (of An American Werewolf in London fame). With his hands on the script come certain expectations---which I must say are met. With Landis' other films (and the Thriller music video) there is a series amount of awesome make-up and special effects. I was utterly satisfied; the vampire special effects are spectacular--I like them a lot more than the Underworld special effects and those movies came out almost 15 years later!

Anne Parillaud as Marie the Vampire (awesome contacts!)

The contact lenses are especially fantastic (trust me---you'll notice them; I'm still trying to figure out how he did that trick).  There are some thrills, great gore---it's highly entertaining to watch the petite and pretty Anne Parrilaud killing great big gangsters. Landis also has great street cred as a humorist (Coming to America (1988), Animal House (1978), Blues Brothers (1980)---all great funny movies). The film is truly funny--lots of one-liners, situational comedy and great sight gags. My favorite is right near the beginning, where Marie (Anne Parillaud) is discussing being hungry while flipping through a newspaper. She comes across an article about mobster murders and says: "I was sad, I was starved. It was time to treat myself. Then I though - "What about... Italian!"

The film is entertaining, funny and really a perfectly satisfying date movie for the vampire/gore enthusiasts. I heartly recommend it for anyone looking for a great film.

Legion Review

I enjoy angels. I've read Sandman and Lucifer, I cried at Michael (1996) and saw that weird Paul Hogan movie that came out after Crocodile Dundee II (1988). I enjoy bad ass things with wings. And somehow the idea of angels with weapons other than flaming swords while admittedly unorthodox (pun slightly intended) is potentially cool. So when I saw Legion was coming out this year I was intrigued.

The plot has potential: apparently God has lost faith in humanity and has sent his legions of angels to possess weak willed humans to kill humanity's one last hope that is currently growing in the womb of an unwed mother (Adrianne Palicki) in the middle of the Mojave Desert in Nevada. *inhale* Michael (Paul Bettany) the archangel still has faith and cut his wings off and found a bunch of big guns and is helping the really important baby be born despite being told not to by his brother archangel Gabriel (Kevin Durand).

From an action movie stand point this film is entertaining. Lots of guns, scary jump moments (kind of) and some icky scenes involving bugs and blood. The film is also really pretty and obviously had a pretty decent budget. I like the filters that are used to shoot the desert scenes and I think the CGI was completely awesome. A ton better than the angel-stuff in Constantine(2005). The gore presence was small but focused. They use it in the correct places, like when a dude gets his back melted down to the spinal cord (wicked awesome) with angel acid and a possessed lady bites a chunk out of somebody etc. And again, the premise is really promising. I like that the film isn't just another "Satan versus God" shtick. It really does put a new-er spin on things and adds a breath of fresh air to the newly re-popularized end-of-the-world movie fascination in the US.

However, my problem with this film is how little time it spent on the angels. I mean their costumes in the film are totally cool and the CGI wings (bullet proof and really sharp apparently) are totally bad ass. But they spend a ton of time on the people in the film and not nearly enough on humanity through God's and the angels' eyes. They dwell on it vaguely through the eyes of a jerk cop (who then proceeds to fake-shoot a bunch of homeless people) but don't really give us God's story on why all the sudden humanity isn't worth it. What was the breaking point? What was the last straw? How do all the other angels feel about this? Can we meet some of them? Show us the beginning of time where Michael begins to love humanity. Show us more Gabriel/Michael arguments. More than just gun fights etc. Throughout the whole film I feel like I'm party to a story that happened just before I walked into the room. It's rather distracting and is borderline confusing.  I love back story in films and wish there was more to this one.

Then there is the ending. I guess that Hollywood has run out of endings for movies involving the apocalypse. Terminator (1984) anyone?  I mean come on! The film ends with a woman with a baby in the front seat of a car driving in the desert. She's even wearing a bandanna!

 That on top of the fact that the girl spends about 80% of the film arguing with a guy who 1) comes from a different plane (Kyle Reese was from the future, Michael from Heaven) she wields several guns none of which she could have just instantaneously learned how to use 3) fights a giant dude who can't be killed with weapons like a M16. I mean Gabriel is so obviously Arnold's character from Terminator (right down to Gabriel's weird Heaven-ese accent) that Legion's director Scott Charles Stewart should be paying James Cameron royalties. *sigh*

In the end I'm really glad I didn't see this movie in theaters because I would have felt like I'd spent WAAAY too much money. But it is a definite rent or watch on demand, I wouldn't buy it on DVD or Blue-Ray. The film is certainly entertaining but is bland and unoriginal enough to prevent my clearing a space on the shelf for it.