True Blood Season Three: Thoughts of a Vampire Freak



Yes.



No favorite friday today because I've got a bone to pick.

Okay as I'm sure it has become blatantly obvious (unless you're blind, deaf or just have been ignoring me when we're around each other which is really mean btw) I like vampires. 

So. Please excuse my ranting for the next few pages--if anything it may amuse you.

So. WHAPOW! Season 3 of True Blood.

One word to describe this season...........different.

I've always been very clear with...well...anyone who would listen really....that vampires are not whimpy emo kids full of drama and glitter. They are real (well. not really ) creatures with actual feelings, most of them involving a desire to suck attractive people dry all the while having perfect hair and hopefully kicking some butt whilst doing it.

That being said, I'm not inferring that True Blood does not satisfy that description. However. I can't help but feel slightly robbed by this past season......particularlly the finale.

 I feel like I just got Sopranoed. Like the episode ends and......credits.

dot dot dot.....

Seriously? There's like 20 different things going on and there is no resolution? I mean....nothing? And you with your slow camera slides to creepy props lying nonchalantly on the floor .....or your mysterious (and gaudy...geesh) disappearance of main characters.....PSHT! LAME! Riding off into the sunset...metaphorically, still vampires people...of characters without saying where they'll go. I realize that a cliff hanger was inevitable and that there was sure to be drama in there somewhere (vampires and skanks and murderers oh my!) and I'm not saying that I wanted 100% of the show to be wrapped up tight with a bow...but....I just feel...

I feel like I didn't get enough to eat at dinner. And I'm like....mad that my sister took 3 rolls instead of 2. That's how I feel. And I want that roll!

....I want to be the prop master on that shoot

It's not really excitement for next season since I know I'll have wait until next YEAR to see the new season. Which is not cool, btw HBO....not cool. And its not like I won't watch the season next year, because I will. 

I mean, I wanna know what happens but I'm really just full of pissed right now. Because of the stupidity of the ending. Seriously.

As far as the season as a whole goes, I'll reiterate here: it was different. Not bad different....not good different. Just.....like your mom changed the recipe to the Thanksgiving Stuffing she's made every year and you've yet to decide if you liked it or not. I can't help but feel like there is something amiss, that the show took on too much at once and something got lost along the way. While I thoroughly enjoy the press that the show has been getting (as a freakishly obsessed individual I like it when my obsessions are jusitified, if not made completely normal by popularity....like furbies and/or beanie babies.....don't judge me), I feel that the show has lost some of its zip in efforts to gain a broad audience and outdo itself.  Again. For the most part I like the direction the show has been going in (though it has officially gotten waaaaaay off track from the novels...I'm sure Charlaine Harris is all pissy that the show is better than her books...), especially with introducing new characters and embellishing events to make a better television experience. 

It's just ..... someone messed with my Thanksgiving Stuffing! And I don't know whether I want seconds or if I just want to keep eating it until I like it. Or (sad music) say...no seconds for me thanks.... :(

I don't know. Maybe I'm just pissed about the finale. I'll let you know later.

Anyway. Have a lovely day!

Vampires: Stop Killing Them Already

I was piddling around wondering what to post today when I came across an interview done by one of my favorite authors: Neil Gaiman. Now Mr. Gaiman (who recently was awarded the Carnegie medal in the UK for his Graveyard Book) is probably not one of the most typical gory and undead authors most people would associate with an undead enthusiast such as myself.  But Mr. Gaiman and I share a passion for a recently popular topic: Vampires.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Shocker...A girl who likes vampires."

I have street cred ok?

I have liked vampires since before I was allowed to shave my legs (age 12). I watched Bordello of Blood at age 11 (thank you digital cable) and I must have seen Interview with the Vampire five hundred times by the time I had my first boyfriend (age 15). My first vampire film was Dracula (1931) which appeared on the Sci-Fi channel back in 1997, (I was 9). I was hooked. I loved his cape, (I wore a cape specifically like his for Halloween that year). I loved vampires, I loved their dark brooding hair and their big scary fangs that only came out once their stupid prey got alone and WHAM dead!

I like how they were almost always the bad guy. I liked that bad guy. I liked the night time setting and I like how even if I got scared they couldn't get me in day time. I liked the fangs and the daunting reward of immortality. I like brooding Louis and deliciously evil Lestat. I enjoyed watching Salma Hayek switch from bodacious babe to blood thirsty brood queen. I giggled at Leslie Nielson stumbling over his Bela Lugosi accent in Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995). And I adored Blade and Blade II and their thoroughly satisfying fight scenes and blood effects.

So I read the twilight books when I was in high school. This was in 2005, way before the subsequent film franchise and all that crap started coming out. I read the book because it looked interesting and I needed a book to read. And I will admit, I enjoyed reading it. But the further into the series I got the less impressed I became. The "vampires" were whiny, teenager-y and completely unwilling to give into their desires--which seemed to be the complete opposite of what a vampire represented. A vampire was immortal and beyond harm--they could do whatever they want, save getting a suntan (which Lestat actually does in one Anne Rice's novels, go figure). Vampires did not agonize over what they wanted. They did not fall for histrionic humans with enough emotional baggage to fill a semi-truck. Vampires deign to deal with humans and if they do select one to become emotionally/sexually/intellectually intimate with, the relationship generally has certain parameters that befit the superiority (to a point, some vampires are gross and useless even for vampires) of the vampire.

For example: Eric from True Blood. This is one bad ass vampire. Besides being ungodly attractive, the vampire is extremely cool. He was born a viking. A VIKING. And he has a cool accent. And he is a shrewd businessman. And he's a good person...well kind of. But he fits the definition of vampire. Confined by sunlight, silver and stakes but freed by immortality and strength. Good but bad he is constantly being selfless but only to get him what he wants. Ugly yet beautiful, he'll eat a man but do so with perfect hair and blemish-free skin. A vampire is a balance between life and death...so the vampire themself must be balanced. Eric meets this requirement perfectly.

 Then there's Edward from Twilight. Yeah he's pretty, but where's the ugly? He doesn't kill anything but deer and bears; where are his flaws? Yeah he's immortal but where's the confinement? He can't be killed by sunlight, and from what I can tell silver and stakes have no affect on him. He has no off button, no "yeah he can do all of this but....." What is stopping him from taking over the world? "He sensitive and thinks he's a monster...oh that's right." But where's he's evil? Where the dichotomy? Where's the fun? The answer is: there is no fun. Edward is a whiny bitch. He is no fun. Tormented and restrained he's nothing more than a immortal Heathcliff without the benefit of dying from a broken heart. He's not a vampire, just some bitchy teenager who won't ever really grow up.

Tons of Twilight-y wannabe media has sprung up since Meyer's success. All I can really say is how little her book has done for the genre. It totally sucks (pun intended) the fun out what makes a vampire fun. It is supposed to be a dirty pleasure, not a dumbed down sexually frustrated PG-13 movie.

VAMPIRES ARE RATED R!

Trueblood Episode 2 Season 3

OMGOMGOMGOMG!
Ok. I'll take a deep breath.

Ok. So Trueblood season 3 is shaping up to be totally awesome. Squeezed into 50 minutes of complete awesome, this episode delivered majorly.

Nazi Vampires, Nazi Werewolves, awesome James Frain hitting on Tara. O.M.G. And of course now I have to wait for another episode. I'm curious as to whether or not something's going to come out about Bill's past that's going to make him look bad.  I thoroughly enjoyed Frain in The Tudors and in The Count of Monte Cristo(2002). Plus he gets to use his real accent in this show ( I notice things like that...shut up).

Plus there is this extremely creepy King of Louisiana (seated ->)with his equally creepy boytoy Talbot (hand on shoulder ->). Gay vampires are beginning to be a theme (a facet created and nurtured by Anne Rice---thank you Lestat and Louis). They've managed to keep Bill hostage, which of course he's whining about (I'm an Eric fan, Bill reminds me a lot of Edward from Twilight. Eric however is awesome but I digress).

I'm am deliciously annoyed at the cliffhangers each show brings. It makes me want to wait until the whole show is over so I can watch them back to back on demand....but I also am so impatient I know if i attempted that I'd just give in and watch each new episode on Sunday. GAH.

Oh Sunday. Why are you 6 days away!?

The Art Form That is The Vampire Film

I pride myself on being quite the vampire enthusiast. As Armand says in Interview with the Vampire:"If there were a leader....I would be the one." So over today I have decided to compile a list of good, great and horrible vampire movies to better facilitate movie enjoyment. They are below. They are not listed in any particular order beyond the heading they are beneath.

 Goriest Vampire Movies

1. 
   
   John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)
2. 
   
   From Dusk ‘Til Dawn (1996)
3. 
   
   Fright Night (1985)
4. 
   
   30 Days of Night (2007)
5. 
   
   Goliath and the Vampires (1961)----------->

Cheesiest Vampire Movies

1. 
   
   The Forsaken (2001)
2. 
   
   Vamp (1989)
3. 
   
   Love at First Bite (1979)

    Funniest Vampire Movies

1. 
   
   Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
2. 
   
   Dracula, Dead and Loving it (1995)
3. 
   
   Dance of the Vampires (1967)
4. 
   
   Blood and Donuts (1995)
5. 
   
   Blood for Dracula (1974) 
6. 
   
   Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Best Animated Vampire Movies

1. 
   
   Biohunter (1995)
2. 
   
   Blood: The Last Vampire (2000) 
3. 
   
   Vampire Hunter D (1985)

Most Ridiculous Vampire Movies

1. 
   
   Twilight 
2. 
   
   Dracula 2000 (2000)
3. 
   
   Vampires in Brooklyn (1995)

Cult Classics

1. 
   
   Blacula (1972)
2. 
   
   The Lost Boys (1987) 
3. 
   
   Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
4. 
   
   Near Dark (1987) ---------------------->
5. 
   
   Horror of Dracula (1958)

Sexiest Vampire Movies

1. Vampyros Lesbos (1970)
2. The Vampire Lovers (1970)
3. The Hunger (1983)
4. Rabid (1977)

Creepiest Vampire Movies 

1. 
   
   Frostbitten (2006)
2. 
   
   Let the Right One In (2008)
3. 
   
   Salem’s Lot (1979)

< Frostbitten

Best All-Around Vampire Movies

1. Interview With the Vampire (1994)
2. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
3. Night Stalker (1972)
4. Blade (1998) 
5. Night Watch (2004)

Best Vampire Classics 

1. Dracula (1931)
2. Nosferatu (1922)
3. The Return of the Vampire (1944)
4. The Last Man on Earth (1964)   

Worst Vampire Movie Based on Book or Video Games

1. 
   
   Queen of the Damned (2002)
2. 
   
   BloodRayne(2005)---------------------->
3. 
   
   Van Helsing (2004)

Movies I like But Just Can't Place

1. 
   
   Perfect Creature(2006)
2. 
   
   Martin (1977)
3. 
   
   The Addiction (1995)
4. 
   
   Nadja (1994) 
5. 
   
   Cronos (1994)