Walking Dead Update: Zombies Rules!

TEE HEE

 I like rules. I like having a list of can and can't dos. So, happily (because it makes me feel better about my OCD) the producers, fans and writers of The Walking Dead TV series have provided the public with a set of Zombie Rules. Which of course I find thoroughly useful.
ahem ahem....

Zombie Rules:

1) Ability to run is based on the amount of time a zombie has been undead, and how much decay has set in. I find this thoroughly realistic...well as realistic as zombies can be...it's hard to imagine watching a near-skeleton chasing you at a sprint down the street.


Unless you're Jason and the Argonauts, this poses little threat to you



  2) Zombies decay but at a much slower rate than humans, and it’s still possible to differentiate between young and old zombies. I never really did understand this zombie rule but I won't fuss. You can't win them all.

3) Zombies are like lions: if they’ve eaten, you can walk by them without fear, but a pack of hungry zombies will attack you. This is also not something I quite understand. If they're fueled by evil or a virus how can they be "full"? Being full denotes digestion which zombies certainly don't do. Hmm...I quite possibly prefer consistently ravenous zombies.

4) The quickest speed of any zombie is a shambling run. see Night of the Living Dead. NO sprinters exist. I thoroughly believe in this rule for the simple fact that anything dead is constantly falling apart. A corpse that runs faster when it's ligaments and muscles are steadily falling apart simply defies logic, if not physics.  That on top of it'd be ridiculous for a 80 year-old zombie body running full tilt after a perfectly healthy and alive 20 year old.

5) Zombies are not dexterous. They cannot pick up or use any items more complex than a rock or a stick. Take that George Romero's Big Daddy who can use a gas pump and guns. That always annoyed me.



Zombies can't use guns! GAH!

 6) Zombies have poor eyesight but they do have a strong sense of smell. I have absolutely no idea how something that doesn't breath can smell. The eyesight makes sense, smell not so much.



EEK.

 7) Zombies cannot speak but can communicate by pack mentality. The herd tends to move together if they sight food. I can also understand this rule. Atoms stick together, molecules and compounds. Makes perfect sense that zombies would follow the normal rules of physics.




I am thoroughly excited about this show. The rules are suitable to my (and by proxy the rest of the zombie community since I've learned off a bunch of zombie snobs) standards as far as general logic and of course tradition. YAY!

I leave you now with a creepy cute picture
 

Everyone Together: AWWW!!!! Does he want love or brains?