I was piddling around wondering what to post today when I came across an interview done by one of my favorite authors: Neil Gaiman. Now Mr. Gaiman (who recently was awarded the Carnegie medal in the UK for his Graveyard Book) is probably not one of the most typical gory and undead authors most people would associate with an undead enthusiast such as myself. But Mr. Gaiman and I share a passion for a recently popular topic: Vampires.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Shocker...A girl who likes vampires."
I have street cred ok?
I have liked vampires since before I was allowed to shave my legs (age 12). I watched Bordello of Blood at age 11 (thank you digital cable) and I must have seen Interview with the Vampire five hundred times by the time I had my first boyfriend (age 15). My first vampire film was Dracula (1931) which appeared on the Sci-Fi channel back in 1997, (I was 9). I was hooked. I loved his cape, (I wore a cape specifically like his for Halloween that year). I loved vampires, I loved their dark brooding hair and their big scary fangs that only came out once their stupid prey got alone and WHAM dead!
I like how they were almost always the bad guy. I liked that bad guy. I liked the night time setting and I like how even if I got scared they couldn't get me in day time. I liked the fangs and the daunting reward of immortality. I like brooding Louis and deliciously evil Lestat. I enjoyed watching Salma Hayek switch from bodacious babe to blood thirsty brood queen. I giggled at Leslie Nielson stumbling over his Bela Lugosi accent in Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995). And I adored Blade and Blade II and their thoroughly satisfying fight scenes and blood effects.
So I read the twilight books when I was in high school. This was in 2005, way before the subsequent film franchise and all that crap started coming out. I read the book because it looked interesting and I needed a book to read. And I will admit, I enjoyed reading it. But the further into the series I got the less impressed I became. The "vampires" were whiny, teenager-y and completely unwilling to give into their desires--which seemed to be the complete opposite of what a vampire represented. A vampire was immortal and beyond harm--they could do whatever they want, save getting a suntan (which Lestat actually does in one Anne Rice's novels, go figure). Vampires did not agonize over what they wanted. They did not fall for histrionic humans with enough emotional baggage to fill a semi-truck. Vampires deign to deal with humans and if they do select one to become emotionally/sexually/intellectually intimate with, the relationship generally has certain parameters that befit the superiority (to a point, some vampires are gross and useless even for vampires) of the vampire.
For example: Eric from True Blood. This is one bad ass vampire. Besides being ungodly attractive, the vampire is extremely cool. He was born a viking. A VIKING. And he has a cool accent. And he is a shrewd businessman. And he's a good person...well kind of. But he fits the definition of vampire. Confined by sunlight, silver and stakes but freed by immortality and strength. Good but bad he is constantly being selfless but only to get him what he wants. Ugly yet beautiful, he'll eat a man but do so with perfect hair and blemish-free skin. A vampire is a balance between life and death...so the vampire themself must be balanced. Eric meets this requirement perfectly.
Then there's Edward from Twilight. Yeah he's pretty, but where's the ugly? He doesn't kill anything but deer and bears; where are his flaws? Yeah he's immortal but where's the confinement? He can't be killed by sunlight, and from what I can tell silver and stakes have no affect on him. He has no off button, no "yeah he can do all of this but....." What is stopping him from taking over the world? "He sensitive and thinks he's a monster...oh that's right." But where's he's evil? Where the dichotomy? Where's the fun? The answer is: there is no fun. Edward is a whiny bitch. He is no fun. Tormented and restrained he's nothing more than a immortal Heathcliff without the benefit of dying from a broken heart. He's not a vampire, just some bitchy teenager who won't ever really grow up.
Tons of Twilight-y wannabe media has sprung up since Meyer's success. All I can really say is how little her book has done for the genre. It totally sucks (pun intended) the fun out what makes a vampire fun. It is supposed to be a dirty pleasure, not a dumbed down sexually frustrated PG-13 movie.
VAMPIRES ARE RATED R!
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